


Fourth Time's the Charm

by WevyrDove



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Barebacking, Community: deancasbigbang, DCBB 2015, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Past Balthazar/Castiel, Smut, Top!Castiel, Virgin!Dean, bottom!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 09:27:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 29,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5042974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WevyrDove/pseuds/WevyrDove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is a 26 year old virgin who loves comic books. When the artist for his favorite comic series, Mystic Knights, is announced as a guest at the local convention, Dean jumps at the chance to meet the enigmatic C Novak in person. He is surprised to find out that the artist is an extremely attractive older man, and even more surprised to find out that the attraction is mutual. With the encouragement and support of his friends, Charlie and Kevin, Dean shyly fumbles his way through his first real relationship. But will Dean’s lack of experience and poor self-confidence sabotage his chance for happiness, or will Castiel’s patience and understanding be rewarded? Together, Dean and Castiel discover out why it’s important to be willing and able to give each other and themselves a second, third, and even a fourth chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dean

**Author's Note:**

> The gorgeous art for this fic was created by the brilliant [NamidaNaoru](http://namidanaoru.livejournal.com). The masterpost can be found [here](http://namidanaoru.livejournal.com/3528.html).  
> This fic was beta'd by [what_about_the_fish ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/what_about_the_fish/pseuds/what_about_the_fish)and [Iron_Clad_Angel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Iron_Clad_Angel/pseuds/Iron_Clad_Angel)
> 
> ...
> 
> This work would not have been possible without the love and support of my friends. 
> 
> In particular I would like to thank [what_about_the_fish ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/what_about_the_fish/pseuds/what_about_the_fish)who has first and foremost been an amazing friend to me, not only in matters of fic and fandom, but of life and its challenges. She has been there from the conception of this fic, helping me brainstorm ideas when I was angsting about finding the story I wanted to tell for dcbb. When I finally wrote the story, Fishie was kind enough to offer her editing talents, helping me whip it into shape and providing much needed emotional support through the whole process. 
> 
> I would also like to thank [Iron_Clad_Angel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Iron_Clad_Angel/pseuds/Iron_Clad_Angel) for taking time out of her crazy busy schedule to read and edit my fic. Angel, you have been with me since the beginning of my fic writing journey, and I am so grateful for the support and love you have given me along the way.
> 
> My cheering section also deserves all the love and thanks - [Shotgunpicksthemusic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Shotgunpicksthemusic/pseuds/Shotgunpicksthemusic) and [lily_superlock](http://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_superlock/pseuds/lily_superlock). Thank you for encouraging me, especially during those dark times where I just wanted to quit. You are both such dear friends to me.
> 
> And last but not least, thank you to every reader who has ever left a kudo or a comment or otherwise let me know how much you enjoyed my fic. You have kept me writing, and kept me motivated. It's because of you that I still write. I hope you enjoy this fic.
> 
> Love,  
> WevyrDove

Dean had a secret. At 26, he was still a virgin.

On the rare occasions that the topic came up, Dean just let people assume he wasn’t one. He avoided dating; he didn’t want to deal with that inevitable moment when he had to admit how little experience he had with sex. To add to the confusion, Dean wasn’t sure he was attracted to girls, but he also wasn’t sure he was attracted to boys. There was a long list of fictional people he fantasized about though, and the list was slanted towards those of the male persuasion – mainly because there weren’t as many female characters in the fandoms he followed.

A self-described comic book nerd, Dean had graduated from Northeastern University a few years ago with a Computer Science degree. Since then he had been working at a software company which specialized in web security for banks. It wasn’t the most exciting job but it paid well, and he liked his boss well enough. His salary allowed him to afford living without roommates and it funded his penchant for collectibles. Outside of work, Dean spent most of his time at home. There were people he was friendly with at work, but other than occasionally dropping in at Friday happy hour at the local bar, Dean didn’t socialize with them outside of work. But Dean preferred it that way; he was introverted and prone to social anxiety.  He rarely felt lonely, but once in a while he thought he would enjoy having someone that he could lay curled up with on the couch, binge watching Netflix. Someone who shared the same fandoms; someone he could have sex with regularly. But most of the time Dean was perfectly happy to live by himself, not answering to anyone else’s schedule or demands. In addition, there was the ever present “elephant in the room” of Dean’s virginity. A relationship just wasn’t a priority for him at this point.

The North Shore Comic Con was coming up in a few weeks. He felt ambivalent about it; it was a small con with no major guests, but it was nearby and cheap, and he usually picked up a couple of sketches and collectibles every year. He wasn’t even planning to go in costume this year. But when it was announced that his favorite artist would also be attending the con, Dean’s ambivalence transformed into excitement. C Novak, illustrator extraordinaire of the _Mystic Knights_ series by Moondoor Comics was making his first ever con appearance. Dean bordered on the side of obsessive when it came to his fandoms, and _Mystic Knights_ was no exception. The story was the usual archetypical fantasy but it was the illustrations that truly captured Dean’s imagination; he was thrilled to have a chance to meet the artist.

He especially loved the way C Novak drew the raven haired, blue eyed protagonist of the _Mystic Knights_ comic series, Straven. The character had wings; not feathery ones like an angel, but rainbow scaled wings that resembled those of a dragon. Half mage, half warrior, Straven was the kind hero; the type that led ragtag armies to victory against the forces of evil, and in the next moment, rescued a kitten from a well. In contrast, his erstwhile companion Tharion was a chaotic-neutral loner; one of those gray characters that was sometimes a help and sometimes a hindrance, who only truly served himself. Dean identified more with Tharion, but Straven was his favorite; in truth, Dean had a huge crush on him.

Dean started counting down the days to the con. He studied the comics, obsessed with getting his Tharion cosplay just right. He had briefly entertained going as Straven, but he didn’t have the ability to create such an elaborate costume, and in any case, he physically resembled Tharion more closely; both Tharion and Dean shared green eyes and light brown hair. Using pieces he already owned, he was able to cobble together a decent cosplay. The only thing missing was a green cloak. 

As the day of the con drew closer, Dean started feeling anxious. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of his favorite artist. He wondered what C Novak was like; he had always admired the man’s work, but this was the first time the artist was appearing at a con. The bios that Dean found on the web were always vague and unsatisfactory; they never mentioned what the C stood for. All Dean really knew about the artist is that he had attended RISD (Rhode Island School of Design) and had worked at Marvel as a line artist before moving on to Moondoor Comics, the indie publisher that he was currently employed with.

He texted Charlie about C Novak’s appearance at the North Shore Comic Con. Charlie was his best friend; they had met at Northeastern in the intro Java programming class. After graduation, Charlie had moved to California, but she was rarely at home; her job as a sales engineer involved extensive international travel. His phone rang a few minutes later.

“Hey, nerd.” Dean answered automatically.

“Hey nerd yourself.” Charlie quipped. “Got your text about the con. Who’s that guy again?”

“He’s the artist for _Mystic Knights_.” Dean explained patiently.

“Ah gotcha. Yeah, I read those first couple of issues that you sent me, but then I got kinda bored.” Charlie sniffed. “It’s just all so clichéd. Plus the way that guy draws women – all two of them that exist in the series – not really my thing. So what’s the big deal?”

“He doesn’t write the storylines, he just draws them.” Dean replied defensively. “And he never goes to cons, this is his first con appearance.”

“That’s cool. Need any help with the cosplay?” Charlie offered. She was big on LARPing so she owned an extensive collection of gear. “Just pulled up a pic of Tharion. Hey, you kinda look like him, nice. Oh, and you mentioned you needed a cloak? I have the perfect piece for you.”

Charlie paused. “What about Straven? That would be amazing, I could help you make the wings.”

“Nah. I suck at making those kind of costumes. And aren’t you too busy? You’d have to ship them over and everything.” Dean demurred. He reminded Charlie that he had already decided to go as Tharion. “But I’ll definitely take the cloak.”

“Sure I’ll ship it out this week.” Charlie agreed. “When’s the con? Maybe I can go with you.” Dean told Charlie the dates, which were in June.

“Ugh. Nope.” Charlie groaned. “I’ll be out of the country on business, visiting the satellite office in China. I’ll be in Shanghai for a couple of weeks.”

“Wow.” Dean commented. Every time Charlie told him about her latest destination, he felt a brief moment of anxiety, followed by intense gratitude that he didn’t have to travel for work.

“Too bad you don’t like travelling. They’re giving me a whole apartment for the time I’m there, plenty of space. We could hop over to Japan too.” Charlie suggested.

“Sounds tempting.” Dean said drily. “If only the mere thought of being on an airplane didn’t make me have an anxiety attack.”

They chatted for a few more minutes, and then Charlie needed to rush to a meeting. Dean sighed. It was dinner time, and he supposed he should eat something. Another day, another cup of ramen.

…

By the end of the week, Charlie’s package arrived as promised. Dean unwrapped it eagerly. It was perfect for his Tharion cosplay; the cloak was made from crushed velvet, with golden fringe detailing on the edge. The metal clasp was in the shape of a pair of leaves that joined at their tips. Dean couldn’t wait to put the whole thing together. He texted a quick thank you to Charlie, and promised he would take a picture of the finished cosplay.

Now that he had most of his costume together, Dean’s anticipation grew even more.


	2. Dean

Dean was up early that morning. He wanted to get to the con around opening and he still needed to shower and get into costume. He had let his hair grow out so he could style it closer to Tharion’s but the laws of physics wouldn’t allow him to style it in the high spikes that the character sported. Overall, he was happy with the final result. He checked his appearance a couple of times, then once again, in the mirror, then snapped a quick selfie and sent it to Charlie. 

…

Dean was hovering near “Artists Alley”, the corridor of booths and tables that had been set up for comic book artists and authors. It was already a couple of hours into the convention and although most of the guests had shown up, there was no sign of C Novak at the table he was supposed to be occupying.

Dean’s anxiety level was lower than he expected, but still, he was sweating in his costume. It seemed too hot inside the hotel ballroom where the event was being held. He was sure his hair must be messed up by now; he should go to the bathroom and check. Why was he being so ridiculous? Dean had gone to lots of cons before, met celebrities, gotten autographs and photo-ops without spazzing out (outwardly at least). So why was the idea of meeting a comic book artist making him feel so out of sorts? Part of it was probably because he was apprehensive about receiving approval from the man who had created the appearance of the character he was cosplaying. His main comfort was that no one else appeared to have chosen to dress as Tharion; imagine how he would have felt if there was someone who presented a better, more accurate version of the character.

In the bathroom, Dean examined his reflection in the mirror. He fiddled with his hair for a moment; it was looking okay despite being a bit limp. He sniffed at his armpits, and glanced around self-consciously to make sure no one had seen him do it. He heard a flush and then a man cosplaying Straven came out of the stall. It was one of the most amazing and elaborate costumes that Dean had ever seen, and Dean suddenly felt embarrassed about his Tharion outfit.

“Tharion! Well met!” ‘Straven’ bantered playfully when he came up to the sink beside Dean to wash his hands.

“Hey man. Nice costume.” Dean complimented.

“You too!” ‘Straven’ replied. He was drying his hands with a paper towel. “It’s nice seeing someone else that’s into _Mystic Knights_.”

“Yeah, same.” Dean nodded. They left the bathroom together. ‘Straven’ pressed a button on his wrist and suddenly the wings spread out with a whump.

“Damn!” Dean exclaimed in admiration. “How’d you do the wings?”

The wings appeared to be made of a sort of pleather type material with an iridescent sheen. Each piece appeared to be individually cut and laboriously sewn onto a tarp like material. Metal rods supported the wing structure, similar to an umbrella.

“By cannibalizing a couple of beach umbrellas, and then spending hours cutting and sewing leather that I painted into individual feathers. My hands are still sore. I hope it was worth it.” ‘Straven’ confessed.

“It’s honestly one of the best cosplays I’ve ever seen. Straven is one of my favorite characters, but I have nowhere near the skills you have to make a costume.” Dean complimented.

“Thank you so much. And really, your Tharion costume is awesome.” ‘Straven’ beamed and held out a hand. “By the way, I’m Kevin.”

“I’m Dean.” He shook hands with Kevin. “I’m assuming you’re here to meet C Novak?”

“Yes, the elusive Mr. Novak.” Kevin nodded. “Hopefully he’s shown up by now?”

Dean and Kevin walked back together to “Artists Alley” but were both disappointed to see that C Novak was still a no-show. They walked the path through the booths again, chatting about various fandoms and comic books they enjoyed. Kevin was stopped more than once for a picture, so he ended up closing his wings. Dean found Kevin easy to talk to, despite his own social anxiety. Dean might have felt intimidated, but Kevin was modest about his talent.

They talked about their school and work; Kevin was actually several years younger than Dean, and currently studying at Brown. He was majoring in civil engineering, but also taking apparel design classes at RISD. He really wanted to get into costume design, but his parents thought it was an ‘impractical’ occupation. Dean explained he had been out of school for a few years and was working for a software company in Boston.

It was coming up on three hours since the start of the convention, and when they rounded the corner back to “Artists Alley”, they saw a dark haired man in a white shirt and jeans at C Novak’s table. He was pulling out prints of his artwork from a binder and arranging them on the table, his head down as he lined them up.

“He’s finally here!” Kevin exclaimed excitedly. He kept his wings closed while they walked through the throngs, but now he opened them back up, narrowly missing Dean.

“Watch it, dude!” Dean spoke more sharply than he intended. His palms were clammy and his head buzzed; he had waited a month for this moment. He wondered if Kevin would let him go first.

A young woman was already at the front of the table, and they hastily lined up behind her. Finally, C Novak looked up and noticed his fans gathered around his table.

“Hi.” He said shyly.

Dean’s mouth went dry and his face felt hot. C Novak was gorgeous. And he happened to be the spitting image of his fictional crush, Straven.

Dean felt dizzy.


	3. Castiel

Castiel felt overwhelmed. His flight from Chicago to Boston had been delayed due to mechanical issues, and he was now running three hours late for his first comic convention appearance. He consoled himself with the fact that there would probably not be many people missing his presence at the con. Castiel had avoided conventions for as long as he could; he hated being in the spotlight, and he suffered from social anxiety. Castiel wasn’t particularly well known, although he had worked on some high profile stuff at Marvel. Now he was working for Moondoor comics, where he had more creative freedom. _Mystic Knights_ was growing in popularity though, and when the creator of the comic ended up being unable to make his appearance at North Shore Comic Con, their PR director insisted that Castiel take his place. He assured Castiel that all he would have to do was sell some signed prints, maybe do some small commissions during the con, and be friendly. As “easy” as it sounded, Castiel felt anxiety about meeting strangers.  

When the taxi finally dropped Castiel off at the Sheraton where the convention was being held, Castiel rushed to the front lobby to find out where he was supposed to go, his suitcase rattling behind him. There was a table in front of the ballroom which housed the event, and the bored ticket seller gave him his badge (which was really just a label with his name printed on it, and incorrectly at that: C Novaak). Castiel patted his pockets for a pen, but he had managed to lose them all some point on his way to the con. He borrowed a marker, which was grudgingly given to him, to cross out one of the a’s. Then he asked which booth he was supposed to be in and the ticket person just pointed at his tag; the booth number was right beneath Castiel’s name. Embarrassed, Castiel mumbled his thanks and pushed into the room.

The hotel was unimpressive and bland, not quite what he pictured for his first con. He had been warned it was a small event, but still, Castiel imagined something grander. At least the modest size of the con allowed him to locate his booth fairly quickly. He slid his suitcase beside his chair and opened it, grabbing the binders with his prints and taking them out. At least they had arrived unscathed. Castiel had brought them on the flight in a carry-on to ensure they were safe. He was pulling the binders out and placing them on the table, removing a few of the prints and placing them in a line at the front edge of the table when he sensed someone standing before him and looked up. There was a woman with purple hair and a Black Widow shirt standing in front of him, smiling broadly. She clutched a copy of _Mystic Knights_ volume 1, issue 1 in her hands. Castiel returned the smile, and then noted the small crowd gathered behind her.

“Hi.” He spoke softly, smiling at the rest of the group. He noted that there was someone even wearing what appeared to be an elaborate and accurate Straven cosplay.

“I’m so sorry I’m late…my flight was delayed.” Castiel added.

There were murmurs of “it’s ok” and “I’m glad you’re here”, and Castiel thanked them. He was touched there were actually people that had been waiting, and relieved they weren’t irate. The first fan handed Castiel the comic book, gushing about how much she loved his art and asked him to sign the cover. He thanked her with a smile, relaxing slightly. _This isn’t so bad_ , he thought.

“Hi!” ‘Straven’ greeted. “I love your stuff!

“Thank you. I have to say, I love your stuff as well! Your costume is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I mean, those wings alone must have been a minor feat of engineering.” Castiel admired.

The young man beamed from ear to ear, and it warmed Castiel’s heart to see that someone loved one of his characters enough to do such an amazing cosplay.

“Thank you so much! And I didn’t bring something to sign, but I’d love to check out your prints.” ‘Straven’ continued.

“Oh sure, please do! Let me know if there’s anything you like.” Castiel gestured to the prints on the table. “You can browse my binders as well.”

“Awesome! By the way, I’m Kevin.” The man added. He held out his hand to shake.

“C,” Castiel answered, smirking slightly to let Kevin know he knew what the game was. He grasped the hand firmly. He never revealed his name. It was just something he had decided on during art school. He was tired of the questions and the double takes when he introduced himself as _Castiel_. He could have changed his name, but he liked going by just ‘C’. It was quirky but not as weird as Castiel. Plus, he liked it when people tried to guess what the C stood for.

“Ok, C.” Kevin conceded. “Thank you for all that you do.” He made a little bow and moved off to the side to flip through the binders on the table.

Castiel nodded at Kevin, and then turned to the next person in line. He found himself looking into a pair of green eyes that were staring at him intensely. For a moment, he was speechless and could only stare back. The man was dressed as the character Tharion, and although it was not anywhere near as elaborate as Kevin’s costume, Castiel thought it was stunning. Or perhaps that was just the person in the costume; he was beautiful. Tharion looked away first, blushing and fiddling with one of the pouches that hung from his belt. Castiel was charmed already.

“Hi,” Castiel spoke gently, prompting the man to look up again.

“H-hi.” He replied shyly. “I…” He paused, cleared his throat and then tried again. “I, really…really like you...” Castiel looked at him expectantly and the man blushed again, realizing what he just said. “I mean, you’re one of my favorites…” He blurted.

“Oh, thank you.” Castiel smiled. He was finding ‘Tharion’ adorable as well as gorgeous. There was a beat of awkward silence and Castiel jumped in. “So, did you want me to sign something?”

“Uh. Yeah..Um.” the man fumbled in one of his pouches and pulled out a small green book. It was leather bound with a strip (also leather, but brown) to tie it closed, similar to the one that Tharion used in his travels to keep a journal. It looked like it was in pristine condition, and had never been written in. “Could you sign this?”

He slid it over to Castiel, who reached out for it. Their hands touched briefly and the other man pulled his back as if he had been burned. “Oh sorry!” he exclaimed, blushing yet again.

Everything the man did endeared him more and more to Castiel. He smiled warmly, although ‘Tharion’ was looking down at the book. Castiel carefully opened it to the first page.

“Could you, um, sign on the inside cover?” the man requested shyly.

“Yes.” Castiel smoothed down the cover flap carefully so he could sign on the papered surface. “Who should I address this to?”

“Dean.” The man answered.

Castiel scribbled a note, and then shut the book, handing it back to Dean. This time Dean took the book carefully, and their hands didn’t touch again. He put the book carefully back inside the pouch and then looked at Castiel.

“Thank you.” Dean nodded gratefully. Before Castiel could say anything else, Dean moved back into the crowd. He wished he could run after Dean and possibly talk with him more, but there were people waiting.

Kevin interrupted Castiel’s short reverie by putting his selected print down in front of him. Castiel took Kevin’s payment and then signed it in the corner with a flourish. Kevin thanked him and then hesitated for a moment, as if he was trying to decide whether or not to say something.

“I’ll let him know you’re looking for him.” Kevin promised with a grin.

“What? I-“ Castiel started to say, but Kevin was already gone.


	4. Dean

Dean sat at one of the tables in the eating area, running his hand over the ink of C Novak’s signature. He didn’t even read the message until he had a chance to sit down; he was mortified by his behavior. Not only had he barely been able to say two words to his favorite artist, now he had a raging crush on him as well. He never expected C Novak to be so beautiful, or to look like Straven. Well almost like Straven- his hair was shorter and he was older than the character, but they could definitely pass for brothers.

“Idiot.” Dean muttered under his breath. “Not that it matters but he probably thinks you’re a tool. Good one, Winchester.”

When he finally looked at the note, he was stunned to read what C Novak had written. In the top left hand corner of the inside cover, in script that was just legible, the artist had scribbled:

_For Dean, who makes a stunning Tharion. –C Novak_

Dean reread the words, wondering if it was a joke, or if the guy was just trying to be nice. _Just take the compliment_ , he told himself. But Dean was feeling off-kilter and he was wary of the stab of hope that the note gave him. Maybe C Novak also thought he was attractive? That was doubtful; the man was probably almost forty if not already there (not that that was a bad thing), and he was a successful comic book artist. Also, with his looks he could easily get anyone he wanted. _Why am I even thinking these things?_ Dean wondered. The guy could be straight, or already married. Dean didn’t remember seeing a ring, but sometimes people chose not to wear them – he did remember how long and slender and elegant C Novak’s fingers were though; the hands of an artist.

Still, the man had looked back at Dean with a certain intensity that made him wonder if there was something more there. And when their fingers brushed accidently, Dean had nearly jumped. There was always that cliché about feeling sparks when you met someone you were attracted to, but Dean had never experienced it until now. He read the note again, wishing he had the nerve to go back to the man and demand what he meant.

“Hey!” Kevin sat down across from Dean, his wings folded up behind him again. He was holding a print from C Novak. “Why’d you disappear so fast? I’ve been looking for you. Lucky this is a small event!”

“Sorry…” Dean apologized. He hadn’t even thought about waiting for Kevin; he felt so out of it after meeting C Novak.

“I thought you would have talked to him more, or gotten him to draw you something. He is your favorite, right?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah, I just…I didn’t want to hold up the line.” Dean replied lamely. He closed the book, feeling possessive about the note. He didn’t want Kevin to laugh at it or tell Dean he was an idiot.

“Okay….” Kevin sounded unconvinced. He raised an eyebrow at Dean. “There weren’t that many people waiting. You could probably go back in a bit and talk to him again.”

“Nah, it’s ok.” Dean shrugged.

“Really?” Kevin prodded. “You’ve been looking forward to meeting C Novak for weeks, and you’ve been waiting all morning for him to get here. And then you interact with him for about 60 seconds?”

Dean shrugged again, not meeting Kevin’s eye. “So? It’s not like you had some deep conversation with him.”

“Yeah, but he’s not _my_ favorite artist. I came here to see other guests too.” Kevin persisted. “You were going on and on about C Novak and the _Mystic Knights_ storyline.”

“Yeah, well, I changed my mind.” Dean grumbled, feeling irritated at Kevin. “I’m probably going to head out soon.”

“Dean.” Kevin coaxed gently. “I saw you guys ‘interacting’. I think that maybe Mr. Novak would be just as interested in talking to you again.”

“What?” Dean blushed. He hadn’t even thought about the other people around them when he had met C Novak.

“What did he write in your book?” Kevin inquired innocently. Dean blushed again.

“Nothing!” Dean clutched the book to his chest. “What did he write in yours?” He scowled at Kevin.

“Nothing.” Kevin answered facetiously. “Here. Read it.” He put the signed print in front of Dean.

Dean glanced at it. It was a lithograph of one of the issue covers that featured Straven with his full wingspan displayed _. To Kevin – Awesome costume! –C Novak_ Dean couldn’t hide the flicker of emotion that played on his face.

“I’m guessing yours says something a little more exciting.” Kevin teased, smirking at Dean.

It was a testament to how much Dean liked Kevin that he wasn’t telling him to fuck off and mind his own business. They had become fast friends in the short time they had known each other, and Dean was already thinking they should stay in touch.

“Why would you think that?” Dean tried to sound nonchalant.

“Well, apparently you didn’t notice at all, but C was just as mesmerized by you as you were by him.” Kevin observed.

Dean blushed. It’s true that they had held each other’s gazes for a moment and also that Mr. Novak had smiled at him, but Dean figured he was reading too much into it.

“Yeah, you held up the line for a few minutes just staring at each other.” Kevin added.

Dean glared at Kevin, who burst out laughing. “You’re making this up.” He said skeptically.

Kevin shrugged. “You should find out if I am or not.”

Dean sighed and ran his hand through his hair, which he forgot was stiff with gel saturated spikes. He wiped his hand on his pants. “Ugh. He looked almost exactly like Straven.”

“Yeah I noticed that too.” Kevin smirked. He glanced at his watch. “Crap, I gotta go. I told my parents I’d meet up with them for lunch. They live in the area.”

“Oh..ok.” Dean was disappointed that Kevin wouldn’t be staying longer. “Hey man, can I get your info? That is uh, if you want to hang out sometime?”

Kevin beamed. “Yes!”

They traded emails and cell numbers and promised to get in touch, especially if there were any cons in the area. Before Kevin left, he gave Dean a hug, which caught him off guard. Dean patted Kevin’s back awkwardly, but he felt pleased.

“So you’ll let me know if anything happens, right?” Kevin waggled his eyebrows. “Maybe you can get him to tell you what his first name is.” Kevin grinned.

“Stop.” Dean complained, but he was smiling.

He waved at Kevin, and then got up from the table. It couldn’t hurt to try again, right? And he did want to get that sketch.


	5. Castiel

Castiel was startled when he saw Dean coming his way. After the initial crowd of people, it was now quiet, and he was just working on a few sketches that people had commissioned.

“Hey again.” He greeted, when Dean stood in front of him.

“Hi…” Dean responded shyly. “I um..I wanted to get a drawing..”

“Yeah?” Castiel smiled. “What would you like?” Dean was looking down at the prints on the table, giving Castiel the opportunity to study his face. He hadn’t noticed all the freckles earlier. They made Dean look younger, although he must be in his twenties.

“Um..just a sketch of Straven and Tharion together.” Dean shrugged.

“Easy enough.” Castiel nodded. “I’ll have it ready by the end of the day, or if you won’t be around, I can mail it to you.” Castiel looked at the list of commissions. “Actually I can get it done sooner. Maybe an hour or so?”

“Oh, that would be great.” Dean beamed.

“I really do love your costume.” Castiel added boldly, and Dean looked up sharply. He relaxed when he saw Castiel’s sincere expression.

“Um..thanks.” Dean blushed, and Castiel felt a surge of affection. “It’s not much.”

“I just don’t often see Tharion cosplays. Ok, I don’t often see _Mystic Knights_ cosplays at all. I loved your friend’s interpretation of Straven, it was so elaborate. But still, I like yours better.” Castiel winked at Dean.

Dean opened and closed his mouth dumbly. Castiel backpedaled, realizing that he may have overstepped his professional bounds by flirting with a fan. Not to mention the age gap; Castiel was 41, and this kid was probably 25 at most. Even if he hadn’t misread the way Dean stared at him, it wasn’t really appropriate.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Castiel apologized, feeling flustered. Dean didn’t respond. He checked his watch. “Why don’t you come back in an hour, I’ll have your sketch ready by then.”

Dean mumbled something in response that Castiel didn’t quite catch. “What did you say?” Castiel asked.

Dean coughed and tried again. “I said, don’t be sorry…and yes, I’ll come back in an hour.”

He walked away, and Castiel couldn’t help admiring Dean from the back, noting the bowlegged stride that he walked with. He blew out a breath, scrubbing his face with one hand. _Could have been worse,_ he thought. He pulled out a fresh sheet of paper in his sketchpad and started working on Dean’s commission.

…

Castiel was just putting on the finishing touches to the drawing when Dean came by again.

He had drawn his characters in a battle embrace, their faces angry and fierce, their eyes intense. He had made Tharion’s face slightly different – so it resembled Dean’s face.

“Hi Dean.” Castiel greeted. “I’m almost done.” He added a bit of shading, and then signed the piece with a flourish.

“How much do I owe you?” Dean asked. They hadn’t talked about pricing beforehand.

“Gratis.” Castiel blurted, impulsively deciding to gift it to Dean. “Because I like you..” Castiel checked himself. “Er, your costume so much.” _You’re being inappropriate again,_ he berated himself.

“Wow, really?” Dean was awed. He took the proffered drawing. “Are you sure? This is amazing…” Castiel saw his eyes widen as he looked closer at the faces. “Oh.” Dean said softly, but didn’t otherwise comment on the similarities between him and Tharion.

Castiel got a protective cover out and reached for the picture again. Dean let him put it in the sleeve. He added a business card, and Dean took them both.

“Thank you.” Dean murmured dazedly. “I’m so glad I finally got to meet you.”

“You too.” Castiel grinned. “Really.” He added sincerely. They were staring at each other again, and Castiel wished it didn’t feel so wrong to make a move. He reminded himself that Dean was a fan.

“Um, I gotta go.” Dean excused himself awkwardly, breaking the spell. He looked behind himself, and back to Castiel. “There’s other people waiting. Thanks again.”

Castiel nodded reluctantly, wishing there was more to say. _Well, he has your business card, you never know._ Castiel thought. But he didn’t want to get his hopes up, and Dean seemed so painfully shy.

…

By the end of the day, Castiel had sold a decent amount of prints and commissions. For his first con, it wasn’t too bad. He couldn’t get a certain pair of green eyes out of his head though, and as he went up to the room he had booked for the night (it wasn’t worth it to fly back and forth in one day, and he was exhausted), he wished he had gotten Dean’s number despite everything. Castiel rolled his suitcase into the room and was met by the usual stuffy canned smell associated with cheap hotels. The décor was nondescript and depressing, shades of taupe and brown. At least it was clean and he could bill it to the company. Castiel slipped out of his loafers and pulled his socks off and then flopped onto the bed. Interacting with strangers was exhausting, but it had definitely gone better than he expected. _Especially because of Dean…_

Castiel laughed at himself. He was smitten as a teenager. He didn’t even know this person at all. Yet, the little he had seen, he found extremely attractive. It had been ages since he had gotten laid. He was distracted by work most of the time and he didn’t want to deal with the messiness of a relationship. Castiel thought about how shy Dean had been when he came to see him; it was endearing and adorable. Inevitably, his mind wandered into the gutter, imagining numerous ways in which he could make ‘Tharion’ blush again. He needed a cold shower to stop the obscene images that were flooding his mind. Or just a shower, he was travel weary with that stale feeling; there hadn’t been time to clean up before the con.

Castiel got under the spray, sighing with pleasure as the hot water pounded his skin. He poured a palmful of the hotel shampoo from the tiny bottle and slapped it on his head, working up the weak lather. There was a small bar of soap provided, and he slid it over his body, letting his touch graze his cock. He was half hard already from thinking of Dean. _Nothing wrong with a little fantasy_ , Castiel thought as he slid his fist over himself. Castiel stroked himself slowly, wanting to savor the climb to his inevitable orgasm. Thinking about Dean though, he found himself getting there much sooner than he wanted. He jacked himself faster, thumbing the head and placing one hand against the wall to brace himself.

“Fuck!” Castiel swore as he thrust into his own hand, his cum painting the tiles as he spasmed with pleasure.

_Well that was over too fast_. Castiel thought. His legs felt weakened like they always did after an intense orgasm. He cleaned himself up quickly and stepped out of the shower. Grabbing a towel, he walked back into the bedroom, leaving wet footprints on the way to his bed. He suddenly felt extremely tired. It had been a long day. He pulled a pair of underwear out of the suitcase and tugged them on. He pulled back the covers and placed a towel on the pillow. He lay down and was asleep in minutes.


	6. Dean

Dean pulled his costume off and slung it over his chair. He should hang it up, but he was feeling lazy. He left the con after he received the sketch from C Novak. Part of him wished he had hung around. If he was less shy, maybe he could have talked to the artist some more. But he was also worried about embarrassing himself. He sat down on his bed and called Charlie. 

“’Sup?” Charlie answered.

“You got time to talk?” Dean asked.

“Lemme call you back, it’ll be cheaper. By the way, it’s like early as fuck in the morning right now. I’m jetlagged though so it’s ok.”

“Oh shit, forgot you were in China.” Dean admitted. “Ok, call me back.”

Dean hung up and a minute later his phone rang.

“So how was it?” Charlie prompted. “What was C Novak like?”

“Um. He’s gorgeous.” Dean admitted.

“Uh oh. Dean’s got a crush. And it’s on a real person!” Charlie teased.

“Shut up.” Dean groused, but he didn’t really mind.

Dean filled Charlie in on the details. He could hear the smirk in Charlie’s voice when she told him that C Novak sounded like a “dreamboat”. Dean let that slide and then mentioned that he had met Kevin, who was almost as amazing as Charlie at cosplay.

“Should I be jealous?” Charlie joked.

“Never. You’re the only one for me.” Dean replied automatically. “But seriously, he’s cool. I think you guys would really like each other.”

“Maybe. If his cosplay is as amazing as you say it is. Send me a pic and I’ll be the judge.” Charlie suggested cheekily. “I’m glad you met someone that likes _Mystic Knights_ as much as you do.”

Dean wanted to know how things were going in China. Charlie rattled off all the street food she had already tried. The time difference was killing her and she was suffering from a mild cold that she probably caught on the flight over, but otherwise things were going well. The company had put her up in an apartment with an amazing view of the city – at least on the days the pollution wasn’t as heavy.

“I wish you didn’t hate to travel, Dean. The place I’m staying has plenty of room. Also you have a ton of vacation you need to use, don’t you?” Charlie prodded.

“Sorry, Charlie. Can’t help the way I am.” Dean sighed.

“I know, and I like you just the way you are.” Charlie assured him. “Anyways. So what are you gonna do about C?”

“What do you mean?” Dean prompted, even though he knew what Charlie was asking.

“Like, you gonna call him up or what?” Charlie persisted.

“Um.” Dean hedged. “I don’t think…”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what you should do. Don’t think, Dean! You always overthink.” Charlie interrupted. “What’s gonna happen? He says no? I don’t think that will happen, from the message he wrote in your book.”

“Charlie…I’m not good at this.” Dean sighed.

“Damnit I wish I was there.” Charlie said with frustration. “I’d set you straight.”

They both laughed as they processed Charlie’s words. “Sure, straight as a circle.” Dean joked.

“Seriously, Dean. Call him. Email him.” Charlie encouraged. “I’m gonna keep bugging you.”

“Charlie.” Dean whined. “Aren’t I supposed to wait like three days or something?”

“Nope. That’s bullshit. If you really like someone, don’t bother waiting.  Call him. That’s your assignment. I’m gonna check back tomorrow. Gotta get ready for work.” Charlie sighed. “Ugh, barely slept and it’s like 5pm in California, 8am here.”

“I’ll let you go.” Dean said. “Eat some more dumplings for me.”

“Damn straight.” Charlie agreed. “So don’t forget, call C.”

“Right.” Dean acknowledged.

They hung up and Dean sighed. Charlie could be a pain in the ass, but Dean knew she meant well. It had been a long time since anyone had caught Dean’s interest, so of course Charlie was going to jump on him. If Charlie had been at the con, Dean would already have a date set up with C Novak; she never struggled with being forward. But Dean just wasn’t sure, and his shyness and anxiety prevented him from wanting to try. Plus C. Novak was older, and Dean was probably just another nerdy kid to him. That was a depressing thought _. At least he wasn’t an asshole. But why did he have to be so gorgeous?_

…

Dean passed the rest of the weekend his usual way, watching Netflix, playing World of Warcraft (Kevin played too and they had planned to log onto the same server). He didn’t bother changing out of his pajamas or showering, and he ate cereal and ramen for his meals. He was relieved when Kevin didn’t ask him about C (Dean had also started referring to him by only his first initial), but that was probably a function of the newness of their friendship. With Charlie, there was no filter. Charlie called back the next day but Dean avoided her call purposely. In the back of his mind, there was always the thought of C and his blue eyes though. Dean admired the sketch he had commissioned from the artist so often that the edges of the protective covering were curling. He should have it framed or something but he liked to hold it in his hands.

On Monday he was back at work, but less focused than usual. His mind kept drifting. Luckily it was a slow day and there weren’t any major project deadlines coming up, so Dean did some documentation and then left early. Kevin met him online later that night for some PVP, and Charlie called in the evening.

“So?” Charlie prompted when Dean answered.

“Nothing.” Dean confessed.

Charlie sighed. “I really think it’s not as big a deal as you make it. Give me the phone number, I’ll call him.”

“No way!” Dean said immediately. He could just imagine Charlie’s well-meaning promotion of Dean to C. _He’s a big nerd and he loves your comics. Also he thinks you’re cute and he would love to have dinner with you. If you’re lucky, he’ll even show you his sword collection, if you know what I mean._

“Email?” Charlie pleaded. “I can even draft it for you.”

“No!” Dean refused. “Stop being such a pest, Charlie!”

“Dean, you need to get laid.” Charlie muttered.

Dean blushed even though Charlie couldn’t see him. Charlie was the only person who knew Dean was still a virgin. “Charlie, please don’t bring that up, you know I already feel weird enough about it already.”

“Sorry, Dean. I just want you to be happy.” Charlie apologized.

“Me too.” Dean relented. “I mean, I am. And I know, you are just trying to help. Just…it’s hard.”

Charlie couldn’t stop the giggle that burst out. Dean realized what he had just said and couldn’t help joining in. “Stop it, Charlie!” Dean laughed.

“Sorry not sorry.” Charlie retorted.

They talked for a few more minutes. Charlie was explaining stinky tofu to Dean, who thought it sounded repulsive. She wasn’t brave enough to try the scorpion on the stick, but she had taken a cool selfie while holding one for her Instagram. Dean laughed when she mentioned getting takeout Peking duck at the stand outside the restaurant, only to return to the apartment and find out it was frozen. They said goodbye and promised to talk again soon.

Dean wished he could be more like Charlie. When she wanted someone, she was to the point and relentless. Not that she didn’t respect it when people refused her, but if she liked someone and they liked her back, there was no stopping her. Dean had witnessed her pick up a girl at a bar more than once, and he was in awe of her skills. Of course, it helped that Charlie was beautiful. Sometimes he mused that it might have been easier, if Charlie was straight, or at least bi? But no, Dean was sure they would never have become such close friends if that was the case.

Still, despite his inertia, Dean thought about C all the time, and wondered if C ever thought of him too.


	7. Dean

Dean was playing World of Warcraft with Kevin several times a week now. Inevitably, they started talking more, especially in game when they were waiting for stuff to spawn. The subject of the upcoming Boston Comic Con came up and they planned to go together. Dean checked the guest list updates obsessively. Just today, C’s name had shown up on the list. Of course, Kevin noticed too. He started teasing Dean; they had become good enough friends over the last month for Kevin to torment Dean. Dean shuddered to think what would happen if Charlie and Kevin joined forces against him.

Kevin promised he would behave during the con. When Charlie announced she would be coming to town for the con as well, Dean felt slightly apprehensive. Would Charlie embarrass him in front of C? Would Kevin and Charlie start plotting together? He was certain they would love each other. They were both so enthusiastic and their fandoms overlapped a lot. Charlie was going to stay with Dean when she was in town, and promised to whip him up an even better Tharion costume than his last one, although she conceded that his version had been a good effort. Dean wanted to impress C, and he knew that between Charlie and Kevin he would be all set.

Dean thought about C a lot. He even dreamed about him. Sometimes the dreams bordered on pornographic (to be honest, they _were_ pornographic) and Dean woke in a sweat, his cock hard and aching. He only needed to stroke himself a couple of times to come when that happened. He couldn’t help but wonder if C ever thought about him in a similar way. Dean often recalled the way that C had looked at him. Maybe he was just being nice, but Dean wasn’t completely oblivious. There was meaning in the way the man had held Dean’s gaze; the problem was Dean hadn’t quite deciphered what that meaning was. C wasn’t the first person to admire Dean; Dean had been told by many people that he was attractive, but he always had a hard time believing it. He squinted at the mirror, wondering what they saw that he didn’t. He always thought he had too many freckles, especially if he spent any time in the sun. He worried about the wrinkles that were starting to appear at the edges of his eyes, and he thought his nose was too prominent. He thought his lips were too plump and often pulled them in when he was anxious. Charlie thought he was ridiculous and assured him that he was hot, even by lesbian standards.

And if by chance his friends were right about C Novak being interested, and by some crazy happenstance Dean ended up on a date with him, what would happen? What if their personalities didn’t mesh and they had nothing to talk about? What if C was turned off by Dean’s virginity? The latter was what gave him the most pause. Dean felt anxious when he thought about the physical component of a relationship. The desire was there, but Dean was so self-conscious about his lack of experience. One time he had gotten so drunk he propositioned Charlie, begging her to just help him out with it. Thankfully, Charlie had been less drunk than Dean and said she was flattered but no thanks. The next time she saw Dean, she gave him a wrapped gift. Dean had been suspicious; it wasn’t his birthday and it wasn’t Christmas. He became even more wary when Charlie couldn’t keep a straight face. It ended up being a large purple dildo, and Charlie cackled at the look on Dean’s face. Dean had blushed furiously and shut himself in his bedroom, refusing to come out until Charlie left. Charlie had apologized profusely, and Dean forgave her after stewing for a day. He still kept the dildo though, although he never tried it.

…

Charlie was sitting on the couch watching _The X-files_ and having popcorn. She was throwing the individual pieces in the air and catching them in her mouth. Dean was fussing around the apartment, tidying up a bit. Kevin was coming over soon, both to meet Charlie and to work on Dean’s costume. It was Kevin’s first time visiting Dean’s apartment and Dean didn’t want to look like a complete slob.

“Relax, Dean.” Charlie sighed as Dean pushed a carpet sweeper over the floor. He swore as he stepped on some popcorn that Charlie had missed with her mouth.

There was a knock at the door and Dean leaned the sweeper against the wall and hurried to answer it.

“Dean!” Kevin exclaimed happily, stepping in and wrapping Dean in a fierce hug. Dean let himself be held for a moment and then pushed at Kevin gently so he would release him. He looked behind Dean at Charlie. “You must be Charlie!” Kevin dropped his bag and bounded over to the couch.

Charlie stood up and accepted Kevin’s hug. “Hey Kevin.” She greeted. “I’ve heard a ton about you.”

“Same.” Kevin nodded. “We’ll have to compare notes later.”

Charlie smiled and winked at Kevin. Dean was looking at them suspiciously and they both laughed. “We love you, Dean.” Charlie assured him. “I promise we won’t be too embarrassing tomorrow.”

Kevin nodded somberly. He looked around the room and complimented Dean on his place. He was planning to crash for the night too, so they could go to the con together early tomorrow. Dean was letting Charlie sleep in the bed, while Kevin would crash on the couch.

“So let’s get to work on the costume!” Charlie clapped her hands.

Dean pulled out the stuff he had worn to the previous con, and both Kevin and Charlie clucked about how it was all wrinkled. They both went to their bags and pulled out various pieces of clothing they had brought for Dean. Kevin provided a really intricate pair of leather bracers that laced up, and Charlie contributed a green tunic that was of far superior quality to the one Dean already owned. Kevin also handed a jar to Dean.

“Industrial strength hair sculpting gel.” Kevin explained. “When you need to get that comic book or anime hairstyle just right.”

“Nice, that’s great stuff.” Charlie concurred. She pulled out a small bag and opened it to display a makeup palette. ”We can do the tattoos too with this body paint stuff.”

“Wow. Thanks guys.” Dean was touched that Kevin and Charlie were so intent on creating an accurate cosplay for Dean.

After they discussed the rest of the costume (or at least Kevin and Charlie did), they decided to go to a Thai restaurant for dinner. Over red and green curries they talked about their favorite fandoms and characters. Dean was happy that his two friends got along so well. He was looking forward to attending the con with them both. They left the restaurant and went back to Dean’s apartment and rewatched _Star Trek Into Darkness_ together, but ended up talking all the way through and only glancing at the screen occasionally. When the movie was over, it was already close to midnight and they all wanted to be up early to get their costumes together. Kevin settled himself on the couch and Charlie got into Dean’s bed. But when Dean lay his sleeping bag on the floor, Charlie protested and insisted that they both sleep in his bed. Kevin came in to say goodnight while they were arguing about it.

“What are you afraid of?” Charlie teased. “I’ll turn you gay? Oh wait, you already are.”

They all laughed about it, and Dean gave up. It would certainly be more comfortable, and it wasn’t the first time he and Charlie shared a bed. They’d done that a couple of times on their cross-country road trip during the summer after graduation.

They all said goodnight, and then it was dark and quiet in the apartment. Dean listened as Charlie’s breathing deepened and settled into a slow rhythm as she fell asleep. Dean drifted off soon after, his thoughts full of a certain dark haired, blue eyed man.


	8. Castiel

Castiel was walking to the con, dragging a small suitcase behind him. He almost wished he had gotten a cab even though it was a short walk. It was sweltering out and it was only eight in the morning. The city was in the middle of a heat wave and Castiel felt his shirt getting damp as he strode along the pavement. He hoped he could snag a t-shirt at the con and change. Castiel had decided to stay at the Boston Harbor Hotel (a small splurge for himself, Moondoor was only paying part of it), but when he had booked it he didn’t think about how hot it might be that weekend. Although it was barely three quarters of a mile between his hotel and the convention, by the time he reached the Seaport World Trade Center, Castiel would be completely drenched.

As he continued to sweat through his shirt, he reminded himself of why he had agreed to come to the con. He was hoping to see Dean again. In the days after the North Shore con, Castiel was distracted at work. He ended up having to redraw the frames for the latest _Mystic Knights_ storyline several times; you would think by now he could draw the characters in his sleep, but now he was having difficulty getting Tharion’s face just right. Castiel found himself drawing Dean’s face instead of Tharion’s over and over again, and then having to go back and rework it. He remembered when he sent the first version to the editor for approval, Michael wondered why Tharion had freckles and a pointier nose. Castiel had blushed and said he would redo it. It had been a couple months since the convention and he still couldn’t stop thinking of Dean. It didn’t help that he drew Dean in various compromising positions during his spare time. He got himself so worked up while he sketched that he inevitably ended up jacking off immediately afterwards. It was getting ridiculous.

So when Michael mentioned Boston Comic Con, Castiel jumped at the chance to go. He wasn’t even sure that Dean lived in the Boston area, but the North Shore con had been small and he doubted many people outside the local area attended. Boston Comic Con wasn’t too big either, but it was popular. Castiel hoped against hope that Dean would be going. He didn’t know an easier way to track him down without seeming like a stalker. But there were so many reasons why things might not happen between the two of them; Dean might be straight, unavailable, or completely uninterested in Castiel.

It was a relief when Castiel stepped into the air conditioned atrium of the convention center. He went to check-in and after he received his badge and table number, he requested one of the event t-shirts. He ended up having to shell out twenty bucks just like the regular attendees. It was worth it though to feel comfortable. He slipped the dry cotton over his head in the bathroom, balling up his other shirt and stuffing it in the outside pocket of his suitcase. He walked into the convention hall, noting that it was much larger than the North Shore con, but still manageable. There were a few other artists there already, also setting up. He found his table and set his suitcase down and opened it. Castiel started arranging a few of his prints, placing some along the front edge of his table. He added some issues of _Mystic Knights_ that had been autographed by the creator, writers and other artists.

Once he was set up, Castiel went to get coffee from the cafeteria at the other end of the hall. It was weak and watery, but he drank it anyways. There were still a couple of hours before the convention started, so Castiel wandered the aisles to look at some of the other booths and tables. He was admiring the artwork at one of the tables when he heard someone calling his name.

“Castiel!” the voice boomed and Castiel cringed. He turned and found himself face to face with the man who had broken his heart over two decades ago, Balthazar Roche. Balthazar had been Castiel’s boyfriend during his freshman year at RISD.

“Don’t call me that!” Castiel hissed. He let Balthazar embrace him, even though he stood stiffly and didn’t participate in the hug. He was aware that Balthazar still smelled the same – like expensive aftershave and a vanilla candle mixed together. He was also aware that Balthazar was still irresistibly sexy with his carefully styled blond hair, piercing blue eyes, broad chest and toned arms (which were on prominent display in a tight black t-shirt), that is, until the bastard opened his mouth.

“Oh, Cassie, why are you so self-conscious about your name? No one cares.” Balthazar dismissed.

“Don’t call me Cassie, either.” Castiel growled.

“There was a time that you loved being called Cassie.” Balthazar reminded him. “You begged me to say your name.” Balthazar leered at him and Castiel scowled.

“Ancient history.” Castiel grumbled.

“We’re not that old yet, Cas.” Balthazar protested. “Why I can recall every detail – in fact I think I still have the tapes...”

Castiel rubbed his temples. “Oh my God. Would you stop?” He muttered.

“Why, Cas?” Balthazar pouted. “I’m just reminiscing. Don’t you ever get nostalgic about it? Those days when you were just a young, shy virgin…”

“Fuck off, Balthazar.” Castiel snarled, and started walking away. Balthazar grabbed his arm.

“Oh come now, Cas.” Balthazar pleaded.

“What.” Castiel grunted. Every time he saw Balthazar, which was thankfully not too often (the last time had been a few years ago at an alumni event), the old memory of finding his then-boyfriend _in flagrante delicto_ with his freshman year roommate came back in vivid detail.

“We’re friends, right?” Balthazar continued. “You forgave me years ago. You can’t still be pining after me..?” Balthazar peered at Castiel with concern.

“No!” Castiel snapped. Balthazar was such an egotistical, smug, douchebag that Castiel could hardly believe he was ever in love with him. But then again, Castiel had been only a naïve freshman who was mesmerized by a senior who sketched him without his knowledge and then passed that sketch with a love note to him one day. Balthazar might be an asshole, but he definitely possessed a flair for romantic gestures.

“Ok, Cas. Just checking. I’m still so very fond of you.” Balthazar said, holding his hands up with the palms facing outward. “Let’s start again. How are you?” Balthazar let his gaze flick over Castiel. “You look wonderful.”

“I’m fine.” Castiel grumbled. “How about you?”

“Splendid.” Balthazar replied. “Where are you working these days?”

“Moondoor.” Castiel replied. “You’ve probably never even heard of it.”

“No, actually I have.” Balthazar said with delight. “Small indie company. Just the sort of place you always wanted to work, Cassie.” Balthazar held up a placating hand. “I mean, Cas.”

“So where are you?” Castiel asked.

“I’m at DC. I’m the creative director on one of their Gotham ‘verse comics.” Balthazar preened.

“That’s great.” Castiel acknowledged grudgingly. Batman had always been a favorite of his.

“So really, Cas. It’s been lovely to see you.” Balthazar smiled and winked. “If you ever need anything..” He pulled out a card and scrawled something on the back. “Here’s my card. See you.”

“Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” Castiel gritted.

Balthazar laughed and blew Castiel a kiss as he sauntered away. Castiel took a deep breath and glanced at the card. Balthazar’s cell number was scrawled on the back. He knew the guy was a sure bet if Castiel ‘needed anything’. But Castiel didn’t want to have anything to do with Balthazar again. Not after he had broken his heart so thoroughly at the end of freshman year. It had taken Castiel a long time to recover. He blamed Balthazar for his penchant for younger men. He was uninterested in older men who thought they knew more than him.

Castiel wandered back to his table, walking down the wrong aisle twice before he found it. Balthazar had thrown him off balance. Castiel just hadn’t been expecting to see him. The worst part was seeing how good his ex looked, and that despite their history, Castiel would always love him. Castiel ripped up the card and tossed it in the waste basket by his table. It was too tempting; if he ever got drunk enough or lonely enough, he might just call. Balthazar might be a dick but he was also an excellent lover. In that sense, Castiel had been fortunate that Balthazar was the one who claimed his virginity.

He hoped he wouldn’t see Balthazar again during the con, but it was inevitable. It was a whole three days and Castiel was sure Balthazar wouldn’t be able to resist tormenting him with his presence. He glanced at his watch. There was still time to kill, but now that he knew Balthazar was on the floor too, Castiel wasn’t so keen on checking out the other booths. If it wasn’t so hot outside, he’d take a walk and find some decent coffee. Instead, he sighed and pulled out his pens and markers, trying to psych himself up to do a few sketches as he waited.

He was drawing Tharion again. With Dean’s face.


	9. Dean

Dean was sweating, even though he was in a t-shirt and shorts. He carried a bag with his costume, as did Charlie and Kevin. They were going to change once they got to the con, so they wouldn’t sweat through their outfits. At least they had driven in, although the prices at the adjacent parking garage made Dean wince. But the short walk in the brutal heat convinced him it wasn’t a complete rip-off. They stood in line and waited to buy their tickets. Dean felt self-conscious of his damp armpits and hoped he didn’t smell. Kevin noticed and assured him that he had brought deodorant and extra clothes. Dean was grateful he was travelling with pros.

They went inside and bought their tickets. Charlie immediately started going down a side corridor, barely glancing at anything in the hall. She wanted to find a room for them to get dressed together in. Usually there were empty conference rooms, she explained reassuringly. Nobody would mind. Sure enough, they saw a couple other groups of people using one the rooms in the corridor off of the main hall. They joined them, staking out a small area in the corner. Charlie and Kevin got into their costumes; Charlie was cosplaying as Rogue from _X-Men_ from the comic verse, and Kevin was going as Spike from _Cowboy Bebop_. Once they shrugged into their clothes, Charlie pulled out a small stand up mirror and did her makeup. She attached a few white hair extensions to complete her costume. Kevin wore a wig that he had styled into the anime character’s fluffy hairdo. Dean was still getting dressed by the time they were done; he was self-conscious of the other people in the room even though no one was paying attention to him. Once everything was on, Charlie and Kevin did his makeup and hair. Somehow Charlie convinced Dean to put on some eyeliner, and when Dean peered into the mirror, he was pleasantly surprised at how the makeup magnified his eyes.

They went to the lockers first and stored their bags, then started roaming the convention floor. They agreed to meet up again around lunch time since they all had different things they wanted to see. From the map he had grabbed at the ticket counter, Dean already knew which table C would be sitting at. Dean folded the paper up and placed it in his pouch. He caught some admiring stares as he wandered, but he was oblivious to them all. He made his way briskly toward C’s table, pausing by one of the vendor booths when he was several yards away.

C was by himself, his head down as he sketched. Dean’s heart thumped, and his anxiety spiked. His palms started sweating. He was worrying his lip and trying to work up the nerve to say hello. As he paused, he saw a blond older man go up to C and stand behind him. He bent to say something in the artist’s ear, his manner overly familiar. Dean felt a surge of jealousy. He saw C blush and wondered who this guy was – a boyfriend? Husband? Dean watched as C turned towards the man and said something, but he couldn’t hear what it was over the buzz of the crowd. A moment later, the man kissed C’s cheek and walked away.

Dean felt nauseous. All those fantasies and what-if scenarios he had entertained, and it wasn’t going to come to anything at all. He didn’t even want to say hello now. He was about to turn around and leave when he felt someone link their arm through his.

“Hey!” Charlie said perkily. She noticed Dean’s frown and her tone became concerned. “Everything ok, Dean?”

“Yeah, totally fine.” Dean replied morosely.

“Aw, what happened?” Charlie asked. Dean shrugged. Charlie looked around and then spotted C at the table. “Oh. Did you say hi?”

“No point.” Dean sounded defeated.

“Why?” Charlie cried. “You were looking forward to seeing him again. It was all you could talk about for the past couple of months. I was getting tired of hearing about this guy. And now you’re not even going to talk to him?” Charlie tugged at Dean’s arm.

“Charlie.” Dean protested. It wasn’t Charlie’s fault, but he was getting annoyed at her. “Please don’t embarrass me.”

“Ugh. Dean, what’s your problem?” Charlie griped. “Come on.”

“He has a boyfriend.” Dean explained flatly.

“Huh? He told you this?” Charlie seemed surprised.

“No, but I saw this guy with him and they were acting pretty close. They were whispering in each other’s ears and then the guy kissed him.” Dean spoke in a rush. He felt sick again.

“So?” Charlie said, giving him a hard look. “Could just be a close friend. What kind of kiss?”

“Just on the cheek.” Dean admitted grudgingly.

“Hah. Don’t I give you those too?” Charlie gave Dean a knowing smile.

“Yeah.” Dean agreed reluctantly. “I guess you have a point.”

“Dean, you really gotta be more confident. I mean, if it does end up he has a boyfriend or whatever, then oh well, at least you talked to him, and at least you tried.” Charlie squeezed Dean’s arm affectionately. “Do you want me to come with you?”

Dean shook his head. “I’ll be fine. Don’t spy on me either. I’m already self-conscious enough as it is.”

“I promise, Dean. You’ll tell me everything afterwards, right? Good luck.” Charlie gave Dean’s arm another squeeze and then slipped away. Dean took a breath and strode toward C’s table.  



	10. Castiel

Castiel was so annoyed with Balthazar. At least no one had been around when his ex came up to his table and propositioned him.

“If you don’t already have plans for lunch, Cas, why don’t you come by my room? I’m staying at the Seaport hotel across the street.” Balthazar leaned down to whisper hotly in Castiel’s ear, his hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

Castiel blushed furiously and turned to glare at Balthazar, who smirked at him. “Fuck off.” Castiel growled, shrugging Balthazar’s hand off his shoulder.

“So touchy. I just thought maybe for old time’s sake it would be fun.” Balthazar tutted. “You need to lighten up, Cassie.”

“Don’t call me that.” Castiel hissed through clenched teeth.

“Love you too.” Balthazar laughed. He kissed Castiel on the cheek and finally left.

Castiel sighed and looked back at his drawing. He was totally distracted now, and it would be hard to pick up where he left off. Instead, he pulled out a fresh sheet of paper. But he just stared at it, not inspired to draw at all. _Fucking Balthazar_.

He was still stewing when someone approached his table. He was so irritated he almost snapped at the person when they said hello. Instead, he found himself looking into those same green eyes he had been dreaming about.

“Oh…hey! Dean, right?” Castiel said, feeling flustered. He sat up straight and smiled. “It’s really good to see you again, Tharion.”

“Um…yeah, same.” Dean responded awkwardly. Castiel felt a surge of protective affection for Dean in his chest.

“You look great. Your costume – did you add some things? It looks amazing.” Castiel complimented. He was mostly drawn to Dean’s eyes though. The boy was wearing eyeliner and Castiel thought it was extremely sexy.

“Yeah..uh, my friends are really good cosplayers and they helped me out.” Dean replied.

“Oh yes! I remember your friend with the Straven cosplay. Those wings were truly a feat of engineering. Is your friend here?” Castiel asked.

“He’s somewhere on the floor.” Dean nodded. “He’s not cosplaying Straven today though.”

“Yeah, it would probably be hard to navigate the crowd with those wings.” Castiel winked.

“Heh, yeah.” Dean agreed.

There was a beat where neither of them said anything. Then Castiel cleared his throat. “So, are you staying in the area?”

Dean’s eyes widened slightly and Castiel wondered if he had overstepped, but he responded. “Nah, I live in the area. We drove in.”

Castiel kept his eyes on Dean’s for the next question. “Are you around for dinner?” He couldn’t help but feel gratified at the blush that spread on Dean’s cheeks.

“Er…um….y-yes.” Dean stuttered.

“Wonderful! Do you want to meet me at the place I saw when I was walking down here – Whiskey something…” Castiel couldn’t remember the name.

“Whiskey Priest.” Dean supplied. “Yes, I know it.”

“Great! How about around 6?” Castiel suggested. “In front of the restaurant”

“Ok. Great. Yes.” Dean nodded. “Um ok, I’ll see you then.”

_The boy looks stunned_ , Castiel mused. He waved at Dean but then called him back quickly. “Wait, let me get your number!”

They traded cell numbers, just in case one of them was running late (Castiel’s excuse for needing it). Castiel thanked him and Dean walked away, casting a backward glance at him. Castiel sat back, feeling smug. That smug feeling dissipated when a moment later, Balthazar was by his side again.

“Hey honey.” His ex sang out mockingly. He put his hands on Castiel’s shoulders and started massaging them.

“Get your hands off of me.” Castiel grumbled, shrugging Balthazar’s hands away.

“You seem tense, pretty boy.” Balthazar teased. “I was just trying to help you relax.”

Castiel sighed. “Don’t you have a booth to run?”

“Nope. I’m here in a supervisory role. Actually I’m on one of the panels later – on how to create superheroes that are relatable.” Balthazar said lightly.

Castiel sighed again. “What do you want, Balthazar?”

“Just wondering who that kid you were talking to was.” Balthazar drawled.

“Just a fan.” Castiel responded flatly.

“Really. Quite an attractive fan.” Balthazar noted.

“Are you spying on me?” Castiel growled.

“Not at all.” Balthazar said innocently. “But I was only a couple of tables down that way. I came back to tell you something and saw you ‘interacting’ with that young fan of yours.”

“So what did you have to tell me?” Castiel gritted.

“Oh, it must have slipped my mind.” Balthazar smiled and winked.

Castiel was about to tell Balthazar to fuck off but just then a couple of fans came by his table. Balthazar clapped him on the shoulder and whispered. “I still have those drawings.”

Castiel blushed hard. Balthazar had sketched him when they were dating in various compromising positions, in the nude and wearing lingerie. The sex after those sessions was always spectacular. Castiel hadn’t thought about the drawings for years and he fought not to think about them now. Balthazar winked and waved. Castiel could only fume silently. He plastered a smile on his face for the two people standing in front of his table.

_Fucking Balthazar_.


	11. Dean

Dean couldn’t believe that C Novak had asked him out. Jesus, he still didn’t know the guy’s full name, yet he had his cell number and was going out with him later. When he told Charlie and Kevin they were so psyched for him. He promised that he would let them know what the C stood for, although he couldn’t promise them that he would actually find out C’s name.

“What are you going to call him then?” Charlie smirked. “Mr. Novak?”

“Well that would be the respectful thing to do, after all he is your elder.” Kevin added. He laughed at the glare that Dean shot him.

“I really don’t know. I guess I’ll just avoid using it for now.” Dean mumbled. He was blushing hard though. His friends were joking, but he was a bit nervous about the age gap between C and himself. He was already self-conscious about his lack of experience. What would C think when he found out that Dean had never been in a serious relationship? And if by some miracle, their date moved onto something more physical (which Dean really wouldn’t mind), what would C think of Dean being a virgin? Of course, it wasn’t something Dean wanted to broadcast, but he was sure it would be obvious.

“Just kidding around, Dean.” Charlie placated. “You look worried.”

“Yeah man, it’ll be great.” Kevin nodded. “You’re a real catch.”

“Stop it, guys.” Dean grumbled, but he was smiling now. “I think I’m gonna change out of my stuff, then hang out til it’s time for dinner.”

He was glad he had brought the costume and now had regular clothes to change into. Charlie and Kevin had signed up for the cosplay cruise around the harbor and would be out until late. They assured him they didn’t need a ride from him, and they’d find their own way back. Charlie carried the spare key Dean had given her earlier so she could come and go while she was staying with him. Not that Dean expected to be coming home later than his friends.

“Ok, we won’t wait up.” Kevin teased.

Charlie hugged Dean and wished him luck. They both wanted to hear all the details when he got back.

…

Dean was sitting at the bar, waiting for C. He was a few minutes early, and kept checking his phone. _Maybe he won’t even show_ , he thought glumly. It wasn’t even six yet and Dean was already an insecure mess. He nursed a bottle of Stone Ruination and glanced at the door every now and then. The bar was crowded with convention goers, some still in costume. When ten minutes had gone by and Dean had pretty much finished the beer, he started getting anxious. It’s only 6:07, he chided himself. Still plenty of time to be fashionably late. He ordered another beer and sipped at it.

About ten minutes later, C slid onto the stool next to Dean’s. “Hey. Sorry I’m a bit late. I got caught by uh, one of my fans on the way out.” Balthazar had harangued Castiel again on his way out of the con.

“Oh! Hey.” Dean said, ducking his head and smiling. Relief flooded through him at Castiel’s appearance. “It’s ok.” He felt very shy all of a sudden. Despite the crowd that surrounded them, Dean was only aware of the man beside him.

“So, what’s there to eat here?” C grabbed one of the menus and scanned it briefly. “I wouldn’t mind some sliders and fries. What about you?”

“Um..I’ll have what you’re having.” Dean managed to respond.

C nodded and then looked meaningfully at Dean’s beer. “If this is the ‘Whiskey Priest’, why are you drinking beer?”

Dean blushed when C smiled at him. He felt like he was out of his league here. “I don’t really like hard liquor.” Dean admitted shyly.

“Nothing wrong with that.” C agreed. “I prefer wine myself.” C pulled his stool closer so his leg brushed against Dean’s and Dean gulped.

“So, tell me more about yourself.” C prompted after sipping from the glass of wine that was set in front of him.

“Um..I..I live in Somerville. I work in software, uh, web security.” Dean stuttered, cringing at his ineloquent speech.

“Mmm. Well, I meant more like, what your hobbies are and what you like to do during your free time.” C winked.

Dean blushed. “Oh yeah. Not much to tell. Uh, I’m pretty boring.”

C put his hand on Dean’s knee and leaned in to speak in a low voice near Dean’s ear. “Oh I doubt that.”

Dean nearly jumped when C touched his leg. He swallowed hard. He could smell C when he leaned in close; soap and pine. Dean felt lightheaded, but recovered quickly when C moved his hand away. The older man sat back and regarded Dean with amusement. “You’re adorable.”

“Er..thanks. You are too.” Dean replied lamely. He felt like he hadn’t stopped blushing since C had shown up.

“Thanks.” C winked again. Dean was completely out of his element here. He vaguely felt like he was being mocked. He took a generous swallow of his beer. Then he thought of a question for the other man.

“So what’s the C stand for?” Dean asked boldly.

C’s expression of amusement didn’t change. “I was wondering when you’d ask that.”

“So, what’s it stand for?” Dean persisted. If nothing else, he was determined to find out.

“Patience. I don’t tell many people. But we’ll see how the night goes, and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to find out.” C spoke suggestively, raising his eyebrows at Dean.

Dean’s mouth went dry. “Uh..”

Luckily, Dean was saved by the food coming out. Dean was grateful for the distraction and the momentary reprieve from making conversation. He tried the sliders and suddenly felt like he was starving, stopping mid bite when he realized that C was looking at him.

“You really like those burgers, huh?” C commented.

Dean blushed again. He wish he could get his face under control, but C Novak was apparently an outrageous flirt. Dean was thrown off by the contrast in C’s demeanor from their shy, chaste meetings at the cons. “I have to say, you’re not quite what I expected.” Dean observed.

“Oh?” C cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean..I didn’t expect you to be, so uh, forward.” Dean admitted. He was feeling wary of this man. He had dealt with this before on his failed forays into the dating world; men who assumed he was a sure thing, who just wanted to get him into bed.

“Oh.” C’s face fell. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Dean shrugged. Well, he wasn’t wrong. Dean was feeling uncomfortable.

C sighed and scrubbed his face with one hand. He looked at Dean and continued. “I mean, I like you. A lot.” C blushed and Dean found himself charmed again. “Can we start over?” C pleaded, a contrite expression on his face. “I promise I’ll behave.”

Dean shrugged. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” C said with relief. “I guess I’m just a little out of it. I’ll admit to being nervous before meeting you. I actually got a drink at the hotel that’s connected to the convention center.” C ducked his head.

“Oh.” Dean was surprised that anyone would be nervous around him. This was more like the version of C Novak he had dealt with previously. “I’m really not someone you should be feeling nervous around.”

“Have you seen yourself?” C sounded incredulous. “I would never have approached you if you hadn’t come to me first.”

“Huh?” Dean was oblivious.

“You’re gorgeous.” C said huskily. “But you’re also sweet. So when you agreed to a drink, I was beside myself. And then I was feeling worried that you might not like me when you got to know me better.”

“Wow.” Dean mumbled. He was dumbfounded. “I was thinking the same of you. I was shocked that you asked me.”

“Well, seems that we’ve both been misjudging each other.” C observed wryly.

Dean took another sip of his beer. “I need to know what the C stands for. If we’re starting over and being honest with each other.”

C gulped the rest of his wine. He sighed and hesitated.

“Well, I can’t very well call you C, and Mr. Novak is way too formal. So what is it? At least give me a nickname I can use.” Dean prompted.

“I suppose I owe you that much.” C nodded. “Alright, you can call me Cas.”

“Ok. Cas.” Dean smiled. “Nice to meet you, Cas.”

“Nice to meet you, Dean.” Cas replied cheekily.

“Thanks, that’s much better.” Dean felt more relaxed now. Cas was just as nervous as him apparently; although Dean still found that hard to believe. He wondered what ‘Cas’ stood for, but he was drawing a blank. Casper? Casanova? He didn’t want to pry though, since it was clear even obtaining the nickname was a big deal.

Cas ordered another glass of wine, but Dean declined the beer he offered to buy him. He nibbled at the fries that had come with his sliders and requested a glass of water instead. The place was getting crowded and noisy, and it was hard to have a conversation over the buzz, so mostly they just smiled at each other. Once Cas finished his wine and food, he called for the tab. Dean protested when Cas handed over his credit card after a quick glance at the paper.

“My treat.” Cas insisted. A moment later he signed the receipt, and slid off the stool. Cas offered a hand but Dean slid off his stool without taking it.

They made their way outside into the humid night. It was still warm, but at least the sun wasn’t bearing down on them anymore.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” Cas proposed.

“Uh. Sure.” Dean replied.

They walked side by side along the water. The light lingered on this evening, and a gentle breeze blew. People in groups and pairs walked around them, their chatter and laughter adding to the atmosphere. Cas wanted to hear about Dean’s family. As they strolled, Dean explained that he was estranged from his father, and his mother had passed away when he was a little boy. Before Cas could offer his sympathies, Dean spoke about Sam. He boasted about Sam with the pride of a parent, telling Cas about Stanford and Sam’s aspirations to become a lawyer.

“Sam sounds wonderful. I can tell you’re very proud of him.” Cas said, smiling.

“Yeah.” Dean agreed. “He can be a pain, but he’s a good kid. So, what about you? What’s your family like?” Dean didn’t like to talk about himself too much.

Cas sighed. “Let’s just say I don’t get along with my brothers and sisters as well as you get along with Sam.”

“Are you the oldest?” Dean asked.

“Nope. Middle child. Number three out of five kids.” Cas replied wryly.

“Wow. Um. That’s a big family.” Dean commented. “Do you still keep in touch with them?

“Yeah. I still talk to Anna, she’s my youngest sister, and Gabriel who is one of my older brothers. But Naomi and Emmanuel I rarely see, and it’s always excruciating when I do.” Cas explained. “They think I should have gone into law like they did, joining the family firm. They don’t think I have a real job.” He paused and then added, “They would love your brother.”

“Well, fuck them.” Dean blurted, surprising even himself with his strong words. “You’re an amazing artist.”

“Thank you.” Cas said softly, and he touched Dean’s shoulder briefly.

Dean looked at him and was struck by the gratitude in the other man’s eyes. “It’s true.” Dean stated simply.

They continued walking, drifting over to easier topics like the _Mystic Knights_ comic series, and soon were going across a bridge.

“My hotel is just a couple of blocks past the bridge.” Cas mentioned nonchalantly.

Dean didn’t reply but felt himself tensing. He thought they had established that Dean wasn’t the type to just go home with someone.

Cas saw the look on Dean’s face and backpedaled quickly. “Oh no, sorry, that’s not what I meant at all! I was just saying it was there. I mean, of course if you wanted to, I mean, maybe if you wanted to just hang out at the bar in the lobby.” Cas babbled and then his shoulders sagged in defeat. “I’m not doing this right at all.”

“No, it’s ok, I just- I think I’m getting kinda tired.” Dean finished lamely. He knew it sounded like he was brushing Cas off, but he really wasn’t up for much more. He was overwhelmed and once again he felt like he was in over his head. _I’m the one that’s not doing this right._

“Oh. Ok.” Cas sounded deflated. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong.”

“It’s not anything you did.” Dean assured him. “It’s just me.”

“Oh goodness, don’t give me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech on our first date!” Cas forced a laugh.

“I’m sorry, that didn’t come out the right way.” Dean apologized. “I did have a nice time. Just, be patient with me.”

Cas looked at Dean and waited for more of an explanation. Dean sighed. If he wanted this to go anywhere (and he wasn’t sure if he did or not), he should be honest.

“I don’t have much experience with dating.” Dean admitted.

Cas’ eyes widened slightly but he only nodded. “That’s ok. I get it now. Thanks for letting me know.” He put a hand on Dean’s arm and squeezed lightly before letting go.

“Thanks.” Dean was grateful that Cas was being considerate.

Still, he wondered if Cas would lose interest now. At least he had told him the truth. Better now than later when things more involved and Dean’s inexperience would cause more awkwardness. They continued walking along the water, the darkening sky on the horizon and the glimmering lights from the boats giving the evening a magical air. They paused by the arch of the Boston Harbor Hotel.

“This is where I’m staying.” Cas gestured. He didn’t repeat his invitation for drinks to Dean. “I’m feeling beat myself, so I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Yeah, sure.” Dean responded, although he wasn’t sure he’d be back in the morning. He was feeling confused and upset. He felt like maybe he had screwed up his chances with Cas.

“Ok then. So glad you came out with me, Dean.” Cas smiled warmly. He hesitated for a moment and then stepped forward to give Dean a brief hug. It was so brief that Dean didn’t even have time to react and hug him back.

“Same. Thanks for inviting me, Cas.” Dean nodded. He felt like he should just change his mind and at least have drinks at the hotel. But that would inevitably lead to- what? Going up to Cas’ room and fooling around? Or just leaving after drinks and at least having extended the evening? Dean wished he wasn’t so indecisive. But the idea of moving forward made him anxious. He felt stuck.

“Well, you have my number.” Cas said, as if reading Dean’s thoughts. “Have a good night.”

“Good night, Cas.” Dean replied.

Cas waved as he walked away. Dean watched him disappear into the hotel, and then turned to look out at the water. He should head home now. Instead he lingered by the waterfront, staring out at the lights. He wondered what Cas was thinking, and if he thought Dean was an idiot and a loser. After the brief hug, Cas’ scent lingered on Dean’s shirt and he discreetly lifted his shirt to his face to inhale the pine and soap.

When Dean finally started walking back to the garage where his car was parked, he felt like he was surrounded by couples. He watched them wistfully as they held hands, shared hugs and kisses, or just talked and smiled at each other. Dean tried to reassure himself that there would be another chance with Cas.

So why was he so certain that their first date was also their last date?


	12. Castiel

Castiel was kicking himself as he went back into the hotel. He sat at the bar and ordered a T&T. _Well that was a disaster,_ he thought to himself. _You probably came across as a desperate, creepy old man. No wonder he didn’t want to stay longer._ Castiel finished the first drink quickly and called for another. He looked around the lobby and watched the other people there. Everyone seemed to be attached to someone else. Castiel felt incredibly lonely. And horny. He had really been hoping that the date would go more smoothly. And yes part of him really wanted to get into Dean’s pants. But he thought he felt a connection deeper than that, and when Dean had automatically defended him against his siblings, it had only endeared him to Castiel even more. Castiel was touched by Dean’s admiration of his work, and loved that he was so enthusiastic about the _Mystic Knights_ series. People like Dean were the reason he continued to produce his art and stay in the comic business.

Castiel started on a third T&T. After all, he only needed to take the elevator up and back to his room. How much trouble could he get into?

“Hey sexy.” Balthazar slipped into the seat beside Castiel. He ordered a martini, extra dry, with extra olives.

“Did you follow me?” Castiel hissed.

“No, just lucky.” Balthazar drawled. “I’ve been taking a walk, stopping at bars along the way.”

Castiel gulped down the remainder of his drink and set it down with a loud thunk on the bar. When the bartender came back with Balthazar’s drink, he offered him another and Castiel nodded. He needed all the alcohol he could get to deal with Balthazar.

“So, how’s your evening going?” Balthazar asked as he sipped at his martini.

“Terrible now that you’re here.” Castiel grumbled.

“Oh, you wound me, Cassie.” Balthazar pretended to be hurt. “Guess it didn’t work out with the green-eyed boy?”

Castiel looked up at him sharply. “None of your business.”

“Mmmhmm.” Balthazar nodded. “It’s ok, Cassie, you can tell me.”

“Nothing to tell.” Castiel grumbled. He accepted his fourth T&T. It was probably not the best idea to get drunk with Balthazar, but Castiel had already started before his ex arrived and he didn’t feel like stopping.

“How many of those have you had?” Balthazar queried. “Do I need to cut you off?”

“I’m a big boy, Balthazar, leave me alone.” Castiel scowled. He was fuzzy around the edges but not falling down, feeling sick drunk.

“Hmmm. Well, we still have to be up nice and early tomorrow for day 2 of the con. Maybe this should be your last drink?” Balthazar continued. “I wouldn’t want you to be hungover or sick. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t watch out for you, Cassie?”

“Oh fuck off.” Castiel muttered half-heartedly.

Castiel chugged the rest of his drink and then signaled to the bartender. Balthazar shook his head and requested the check. He finished his martini and then slapped down enough cash to cover his drink and Castiel’s.

He stood up and reached for Castiel’s hand. “Come on, Cassie. Leave it.”

“I don’t need your help, Balthazar.” Castiel was slurring slightly. But he stumbled when he got off the stool, and when Balthazar grabbed his arm he didn’t shrug it off.

“You staying here?” Balthazar asked.

“I can get back to my room without you.” Castiel protested, trying to shrug him off. He was a bit unsteady on his feet. But he didn’t say anything when Balthazar continued to walk with him toward the elevator.

“I know what you’re trying to do.” Castiel mumbled.

“What?” Balthazar asked innocently.

The elevator pinged and the door opened. Balthazar followed Castiel into the elevator.

“You’re trying to get into my pants.” Castiel accused.

“Maybe.” Balthazar admitted.

“It’s not gonna work.” Castiel said.

“Hmm.” Balthazar moved closer to Castiel. “Do you remember that, ah, that elevator in Rome?”

Castiel blinked. He could never forget that. It was another empty elevator, and Balthazar had palmed his cock and kissed him roughly until he was ready to come inside his pants. In fact, they hadn’t made it back to the room before Castiel did come in his pants, with Balthazar pinning him against the wall in the hallway to their room, pressing his palm against Castiel’s mouth so his cries were muffled.

“That’s not fair.” Castiel mumbled weakly, as Balthazar crowded him into the corner.

Luckily this elevator was a lot faster and the doors opened to Castiel’s floor before Balthazar could do anything. He stepped away from Castiel and let him exit first.

“I think I can find my way from here.” Castiel tried to sound firm, but failed. He was turned on now, remembering how hard he had come and how Balthazar had taken him back to their room and fucked him roughly afterwards.

“I’m just a concerned friend making sure you’re ok.” Balthazar protested. He followed Castiel to his room and he didn’t protest. Castiel fumbled with his key card and couldn’t get it to work.

“Let me.” Balthazar insisted, plucking the key out of Castiel’s hands and expertly opening the door with it. The door shut behind them and Balthazar put the key on the table by the door. He went to the bathroom and filled a glass with water and handed it to Castiel.

“Tell me to leave.” Balthazar murmured, standing by the door. “Tell me to leave right now and I promise you I won’t try anything, I won’t even bother you at the convention.”

“Balthazar…” Castiel said softly. He felt the alcohol and his arousal clouding his judgement. It was so easy just to fall into his ex’s arms. And what did it matter? He wasn’t seeing anyone right now.

Balthazar looked at him searchingly for a moment, and then put his hand on the doorknob. “Good night, Cas.”

He gave a wistful smile to Castiel and then let himself out, shutting the door with a soft click.

Castiel sighed with relief and also disappointment. He drank the water that he was still holding. He had been this close to throwing himself at Balthazar. He couldn’t lie to himself, part of him was happy that Balthazar had found him at the hotel, that he was here in his room. He was surprised that Balthazar hadn’t just taken what he wanted. Suddenly he felt very tired. He finished his water and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

He stripped down to his boxers and slid between the cool sheets. He fell asleep almost immediately, thinking of green eyes and freckles.


	13. Dean

Dean didn’t go to the convention the next day. Instead he was at home, lying on the couch watching Netflix. He had gone to bed early and didn’t see Kevin and Charlie until the morning. They questioned him about his date but he wasn’t forthcoming with answers and they stopped prying. They were surprised when he mentioned he wouldn’t be going to the con though.

“Everything ok?” Charlie moved Dean’s feet aside and sat on the couch. “Did something happen?”

“No.” Dean assured her. “Nothing. I just don’t feel like going.”

“Ok, dude.” Kevin said. “We’ll miss having you there.”

Charlie and Kevin left, leaving Dean at home, still in pajamas. Dean sighed. He didn’t want his friends to worry, but he also wasn’t sure what to say. Maybe if it was just Charlie, he’d be okay talking about it, but he didn’t want Kevin to judge him. Not that Kevin would do that, he really was a good guy. But Dean just didn’t want to talk about it yet. He wasn’t sure what he thought about it himself. He kept his cell phone on the table nearby just in case. Just in case of what, Dean wouldn’t voice out loud, even to himself.

The day passed in a haze of TV, with breaks to get snacks and go to the bathroom. When Charlie and Kevin arrived home around dinnertime Dean was surprised to see them.

“What are you guys doing home already?” Dean wondered blearily.

“Figured you might want to get some dinner together.” Charlie chirped. Dean knew she had really come home to check on him.

“Yeah, did you eat yet?” Kevin asked. “I’m starving.”

“I could eat.” Dean admitted, even though he had been snacking all day. He was touched they had come home just to see him. “But I haven’t showered yet.”

“That’s ok, a pizza would be great!” Charlie brightened.

“Sounds good, guys.” Dean said with relief. He didn’t want to move.

They ordered a pizza from the local joint down the street, hunkering down in front of the TV and talking shit about their fandoms and what they had seen at the con. Dean wanted to ask them if they had seen Cas at all today, but he didn’t want to seem like he was moping after the guy. Although, the truth was, whether Dean would admit it or not, that’s exactly what he had been doing all day.

“Dean.” Charlie waved a hand in front of Dean’s face. “Hello? Earth to Deano.”

“Huh?” Dean snapped out of his reverie. “What?”

“Nothing, I was just saying that I saw C today.” Charlie repeated.

“You saw Cas?” Dean perked up.

“Cas?” Kevin exclaimed. “That’s what the C stands for?”

“Oh.” Dean blushed, realizing he had given it away. “That’s his nickname. I still haven’t found out what his full name is.”

“Still, pretty impressive.” Kevin praised. “Wonder what Cas stands for?”

“Caspian, Cassius, Casper…” Charlie threw out, giggling a little.

Dean shrugged. “Don’t know.” He waited for Charlie to say more about Cas.

“Yeah, he looked kinda down. Like, kinda the same way you do.” Charlie observed.

“Really?” Dean tried to sound indifferent. “Did you talk to him?”

“No. I waved but he either didn’t see or he didn’t recognize me.” Kevin replied.

Charlie nudged Kevin with her elbow. “How would he recognize you? You were wearing that red wig and the purple shells.” They all laughed. Dean’s friends had cosplayed a gender-bent Ariel and Prince Eric today.

“He seemed to be looking for someone.” Charlie added.

“Oh.” Dean wondered if that someone was him. But then again there was that blond guy he had seen Cas with.

“Dean.” Charlie said bluntly. “What happened last night?”

Kevin looked at Dean. “Hey man, if you need me to go into the other room, that’s cool.”

“No, it’s okay, Kevin. You were there the first time I met Cas. I want you to know.” Dean assured him.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Charlie jumped up from the couch to go answer the door.

“My treat.” She announced, setting the pizza on the coffee table.

“Thanks.” Dean and Kevin chimed together.

Dean got up and went into the kitchen to grab plates. He came back a moment later with some beer as well.

They sat on the rug around the coffee table. The pizza was greasy and hot, just the way they liked it. Dean popped the tops off the beers and handed them around. After chewing in silence for a few minutes, Charlie prompted Dean about his date again.

“C’mon Dean, you’re not going to get out of this. I’m gonna keep bugging you.” Charlie sighed. “Obviously something happened, and you’re upset.”

“Ok, ok.” Dean surrendered. He took another sip of beer and then told them about how at first Cas came on really strong, and then toned it down after Dean called him out on it. How they had taken a walk and ended up near Cas’ hotel, but Dean declined an invitation for drinks, and instead headed back home.

“Oh.” Charlie shrugged. “That doesn’t sound that bad.”

“Yeah.” Kevin agreed.

“No, it was bad. He probably thought I was a loser. Or a complete prude. It wasn’t that I didn’t find him attractive…” Dean berated himself.

“Hey, you weren’t ready.” Kevin said gently, placing a hand on Dean’s arm. Dean was grateful that Kevin was taking him seriously.

“I’m just glad he respected your wishes.” Charlie murmured. “Otherwise I would have been sharpening my knives.” She was only half joking.

“Thanks guys.” Dean was grateful for his friends. “Thanks for understanding.”

“No prob.” Kevin smiled.

“I always got your back, Winchester.” Charlie quipped, bumping Dean’s shoulder with her own.

They finished eating their pizza and then settled back to watch a couple episodes of the first season of the _Doctor Who_ reboot. They all agreed that the ninth doctor was completely underrated. At the end of the second episode, Kevin was yawning. He excused himself and went to bed. Charlie and Dean were both tired too but they stayed up a little longer so they could talk.

“Seriously, Dean. It’s ok if you don’t want to get in bed with someone on your first date.” Charlie reiterated.

“I know but I feel like I disappointed him.” Dean mumbled. “And myself.”

“You did what you were comfortable with, and that’s more important than what someone else thinks of you.” Charlie said firmly.

“I can’t help but think I blew my chances with him though.” Dean sighed.

“No way.” Charlie dismissed Dean’s worries. “Unless he’s a complete dick, and in that case you’re just better off without him.”

“I guess.” Dean shrugged. But still he wondered. Maybe he should have taken a chance and gone back to Cas’ room with him. Maybe he would have finally found out what he was missing.

“Dean, you’re overthinking it.” Charlie chided. “If it was meant to be, it’s meant to be.”

“I wonder if he missed me today.” Dean mused out loud.

“I’m sure he did.” Charlie said. She yawned. “Come on, we should probably go to bed. I’m guessing you’re not going to day 3 of the con, but my flight’s at eleven and I’m hoping we can get breakfast together before I have to go.”

“Ok, Charlie.” Dean agreed.

But if Charlie was right, then why hadn’t Cas called or texted him?


	14. Castiel

It was a couple of weeks after the Boston convention, and Castiel still couldn’t stop thinking of Dean. He didn’t try to contact him; he figured Dean probably had no desire to hear from him. But he hadn’t heard from Dean either and now it was probably time to move on. _There isn’t much to move on from though, is there?_ Castiel wondered. They had only had that one date, and that hadn’t gone anywhere. After which he had promptly gotten drunk and been more than willing to sleep with Balthazar. He was relieved that had hadn’t succumbed to temptation, Balthazar was cordial after that night, keeping his distance and not affecting his overly familiar manner with Castiel like he usually did. Castiel caught Balthazar looking at him with concern the day after, but when he called him out on it, Balthazar wouldn’t say anything except that he was making sure Castiel was doing ok.

Castiel had looked for Dean that day and the next, hoping to see him again. But he hadn’t shown, so Castiel took it as rejection. After all, hadn’t Dean told him he would be there the next day? It must have been Castiel that drove him away. Castiel had spent the day in a despondent and hungover haze. When he did his commissions, the faces he drew on Tharion were always Dean’s. No one noticed or complained though. At work however, his editor noticed it happening again and made him redraw Tharion. Castiel was obsessed. He knew it wasn’t healthy, especially if Dean wasn’t even interested in him anymore, but Castiel couldn’t stop drawing him. So, he continued to draw Dean on his own time after work. Once again, the pictures were pornographic, sometimes having to stop halfway to stroke himself. After he came, he always felt ashamed, but he couldn’t stop himself from doing the same thing the next night.

He wished he had the balls to just pick up the phone and call or text Dean. But now that he was so deep into his obsession, he was sure that Dean knew how depraved he was and would not want anything to do with him. Dean was so young and pure, and Castiel was just a dirty old man. When another convention came up and his boss offered him the chance to attend, Castiel declined. He had no interest in conventions anymore. In fact, sometimes he wished he had never gone to that first convention, so he wouldn’t be tortured by thoughts of Dean constantly.


	15. Dean

“You still haven’t texted him?” Charlie asked over Skype. She was calling from London.

“Nope.” Dean answered. “Why should I?” He couldn’t keep the whine out of his voice.

“Well, he’s clearly not going to text you. He probably thinks he scared you off and that you don’t want to hear from him.” Charlie sighed. “Anyways, what’s the worst that could happen? He doesn’t answer you?”

“I guess.” Dean shrugged.

“So do it.” Charlie urged. “Otherwise I’ll do it.”

“Fine, fine.” Dean grumbled. Charlie’s threats weren’t completely idle.

They chatted about other things for a bit, Charlie complaining about the amount of rain they were getting where she was, and promising that she would bring back some tea and Jammie Dodgers for Dean. Before they hung up, Charlie reminded him again about texting Cas.

Dean leaned back in his chair, thinking about Cas. It was true, there wasn’t really anything to lose if he did text Cas. At least he didn’t have to talk on the phone with him. He grabbed his phone where it lay beside the keyboard and flipped through his contacts list. The number was still there, listed under “C Novak.” Dean wondered what he should type and then decided to go as simple as possible: ‘hi’.

He didn’t hear anything back after a few minutes and then put the phone away and forgot about it. He needed to do laundry so he gathered his stuff from the bedroom and put it into a bag. He found the detergent and placed it on top of the clothes. Sometimes he really wished there was a washer and dryer in the apartment building, but at least the laundromat was within a block of his place. He slung the bag over his shoulder and grabbed his phone. There was a text waiting from Cas: ‘Hi Dean’.

_Well, at least there was a response._ Dean tamped down the flare of hope in his chest. He wondered if it wouldn’t better to be talking on the phone instead of waiting for a text back and wondering what the tone of the message was. He thought about what he should type next, and settled on ‘how are you?’

Again, there was no response right away even from the time stamp it hadn’t been more than a minute since Cas sent his text, and after a few minutes, Dean put the phone away again. It was in his pocket as he left the apartment with his laundry. He walked down to the shabby laundromat. It was mostly empty, so he set his bag on the floor in front of a washer and went to the change machine to get some quarters. After he started his load of clothes, his phone buzzed, startling him. He pulled it out and saw that the caller was C. Novak. He briefly entertained letting it go to voicemail.

“Hello?” Dean answered.

“Hey, Dean.” Cas’ voice sounded uncertain. “Is this a good time?”

“Um, sure.” Dean said. He had time to kill after all. He sank down in one of the bolted down worn plastic chairs.

“I just prefer phone to text. I hope you don’t mind.” Cas continued.

“It’s fine.” Dean replied.

There was a deep breath on the other end. “I wanted to apologize. For how I behaved that night.”

Dean felt momentarily confused. “Oh. But you already did apologize then, remember?”

“Yeah, but I should have made it more clear.” Cas explained.

“No, it was plenty clear.” Dean assured him.

“When you didn’t show up the next day, I thought it was my fault.” Cas said. “It was, wasn’t it?”

“No…I just, I wasn’t feeling well that day.” Dean hedged. “It wasn’t anything you did.”

“Are you sure?” Cas persisted. “Because after you left that night I was kicking myself. I felt like I had completely screwed up.”

“You screwed up?” Dean was incredulous. “You were fine. I’m the one that screwed up.”

“No, Dean.” Cas argued. “I shouldn’t have been so aggressive. I was inappropriate.”

“But I didn’t need to go home so early. I did want to get to know you better.” Dean countered.

“Well, I was disappointed that you didn’t spend more time with me, but I figured you thought I was only trying to get in your pants.” Cas sighed.

“Still, I didn’t give you a chance…” Dean said honestly. “And I regret that.”

There was a beat of silence, and then Cas spoke again. “It’s not too late.”

“For what?” Dean asked.

“A second chance.” Cas proposed, his voice hopeful.

Dean hesitated. Is this what he wanted? To try again?

“You don’t have to decide right now.” Cas said. “But you have my number.”

“Yes.” Dean blurted. “I want to try again.”

“Oh! Okay.” Cas seemed surprised. “That’s – that’s wonderful.” He sounded relieved.

Dean wondered if Cas would be back in town sometime soon. He certainly would have a hard time going out to Chicago with his fear of flying. There was always the train, but that was a long trip.

“Can I come see you?” Cas asked after a beat of silence.

“Um…when?” Dean wondered if there was another con in the area. He knew the Rhode Island Con was in the fall, but that was still a few months away.

“This weekend.” Cas suggested.

“Oh.” Dean was dumbfounded. It was already Wednesday, and Cas was going to come up this weekend? Wouldn’t the plane tickets be expensive?

“Are you busy?” Cas sounded anxious.

“No.” Dean replied after a brief pause. He had planned to drive down to Providence to hang out with Kevin, but that could easily be rescheduled.

“Good. And don’t worry, I don’t need a ride from the airport, and I’ll find my own place to stay.” Cas added.

“Ok.” Dean hadn’t even been thinking that far in advance.

“I’ll email you the details.” Cas sounded pleased. “Can’t wait to see you, Dean.”

“Bye, Cas.” Dean felt stunned as he ended the call.

He immediately dialed Charlie afterwards.


	16. Castiel

Castiel stayed awake during the entire flight even though he barely slept the night before. He was too anxious. He wished he could have drawn while he was on the plane, but the flight was full and there wasn’t enough room for him to maneuver; he would have ended up elbowing his seatmate. When they landed, he got off the plane and immediately went to the taxi stand. He had packed light and only brought a carry on. He told the cabbie the address and sat back for the short ride.

He was headed back to the Boston Harbor Hotel. Something about the idea of a “second chance” made him want to stay there again. Maybe it was the wrong choice, but Castiel still wanted to go there. Once he checked in, he eagerly went up to his room. He had paid for a harbor view this time, and was pleased with the panorama of blue water that greeted him when he pulled the curtains open. He hummed to himself as he went into the bathroom and got into the shower.

After a hot shower, Castiel toweled off and put on one of the bathrobes that were provided. He grabbed his cell phone and texted Dean to let him know that he was in town now and that they should meet for dinner. Castiel already had a reservation at the restaurant, which happened to be in the same town that Dean lived in. It was a romantic tapas place that came highly recommended from one of his friends. He hoped Dean would like it. A moment later Dean texted him back saying he would meet him at Dali’s at 7, and looked forward to dinner.

Castiel sat back in the chair and sighed. Only the whole afternoon to get through before he could see Dean. He had planned to visit the art museum, but now he felt exhausted. Perhaps sleep would finally come to him.

…

Castiel was early. He was nervous. He accepted a glass of sangria from the bartender, trying to find a space amongst the bodies crowded in the small bar and waiting area. He hadn’t expected the restaurant to be so small and busy, but that was part of its charm and popularity. It was dark and lit with strings of clear Christmas lights. The décor was playful and eclectic; lace and vases of flowers lined the shelves, colorful paintings in ornate frames covered the walls, and the ceiling featured vintage copper panels. The Spanish tiled tables were small and intimate. Castiel was surrounded by couples that were smiling and chatting happily. He hoped that he and Dean would be one of them soon.

The door opened and a familiar face appeared. Dean was looking around for Castiel, and the smile that lit his face when he spotted him made Castiel’s heart lurch in his chest. He had been dreaming about this moment for so long, but he still wasn’t prepared for how Dean’s beauty and smile took his breath away.

“Hey.” Castiel greeted once Dean was within earshot. He wanted to hug Dean but he thought that would be too forward, so he merely smiled.

“Hey.” Dean replied. “Cas.” Dean smiled again, and Castiel felt light headed.

Castiel tapped the maitre’d on the shoulder and the man told them they would have to wait a few more minutes. Castiel looked back to Dean and asked him if he would like a glass of sangria.

“It’s really good.” Castiel said earnestly.

“I’m alright.” Dean demurred.

Castiel saw how Dean’s shirt fit his shoulders, noting how the buttons strained against the breadth of his chest. And there was something about the way that Dean had styled his hair tonight that was extra sexy; maybe it was spiked in a different direction?

“You look really nice.” Castiel complimented.

“Oh.” Dean blushed. “Thank you. So do you.”

“Thanks.” Castiel answered, smiling again. He knew he looked decent; he was wearing a white shirt with blue stripes, unbuttoned at the top and jeans that were relaxed but not too baggy.

The table was ready now and he gestured for Dean to go ahead of him. Castiel checked out Dean’s ass during their short walk to the table, and approved of the tight jeans the younger man was wearing. Castiel pulled Dean’s chair out and then sat down across from him. The table was situated in the corner, affording them some privacy and creating an even more intimate atmosphere.

“So, ever come here before?” Castiel inquired, opening the menu and scanning the extensive list of tapas.

“No, although it is only a short walk away from my place so I’ve walked by a lot of times. It always looks busy and it certainly smells good.” Dean replied.

They both paused to watch a platter of tapas being brought over to a neighboring table, including a dish of what appeared to be sizzling shrimp.

“I want that shrimp thing, whatever it is.” Castiel nodded.

The waiter overheard and told them it was a dish called ‘ _gambas al ajillo_ ’, which was literally shrimp with garlic.

“Ok, two of those.” Dean agreed. “That’s not enough to share.”

Castiel laughed. “Ok. Well, let’s see what else there is.”

Their waiter came by with some bread and olive tapenade spread, and asked if there were any questions about the menu. He recommended they order about 3-4 tapas each for dinner. Castiel requested a pitcher of sangria as well.

They both dug into the delicious bread. It took a while to decide on the plates, there was such a long list. In the end they ordered a mix of things that included ceviche, duck, goat cheese, quail, mushrooms and potatoes, as well as the shrimp. The sangria came and the waiter filled their glasses.

“You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to,” Castiel said.

“No, I’d like to try it at least.” Dean fingered the stem of the glass. “Just seems fruitier than the stuff I usually drink.” He eyed the orange segment floating in the wine suspiciously.

Castiel smiled. “You are so cute.”

Dean blushed, although it was hard to see in the dim lighting. “Um.”

“To second chances.” Castiel proposed, holding up his glass.

Dean held up his glass too. “To second chances.” He clinked his glass with Castiel’s and took a sip. “You’re were right, this is really good. I thought it was going to be too sweet, but it’s nice.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Castiel said. He couldn’t stop looking at Dean. Dean’s eyes caught with his, and he was reminded of the first time they met, and how their gazes had locked with an intensity he had never experienced with anyone else.

It was only when the waiter cleared his throat and brought over the first of their dishes that Castiel broke the gaze. Dean had ordered the tomato and goat cheese spread, but urged Castiel to take his share.

“It’s so good.” Castiel moaned.

“Do I need to leave you two alone?” Dean joked.

Castiel was the one that blushed this time. They both enjoyed the plate with the bread, and soon the other dishes arrived. When they got the _gambas al ajillo_ and tried them, they were both glad that they had decided to order two plates. Everything was delicious, and by the last two dishes, Dean was feeding Castiel with his fork. The sangria pitcher was almost empty, and they were both smiling excessively. When the waiter asked if they wanted dessert they both immediately answered with an enthusiastic yes. After ordering a flan and a chocolate lava cake, Castiel turned to Dean and reached for his hand. Dean let him take it.

“I’m so glad you agreed to see me again.” Castiel murmured. He stroked Dean’s hand lightly.

“Me too.” Dean nodded. Now that the food was done and they were waiting for dessert, they found themselves gazing at each other again. This time it was Dean who looked away first.

The desserts were delicious, and Dean let Castiel feed him some flan, and returned the favor with the chocolate cake. When the bill came, Castiel snatched it up immediately.

“My treat.” Castiel insisted.

“Wait, but you paid that first time…” Dean protested.

“Nope, this is a redo.” Castiel handed his card to the waiter.

“Alright but next time I’m paying.” Dean conceded.

“Oh, there’s going to be a next time?” Castiel teased, eyebrows raised.

Dean blushed. “I’m hoping so.”

“Me too.” Castiel agreed. He grabbed Dean’s hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss on Dean’s knuckles.

The waiter came back with the receipt and Castiel let go of Dean’s hand reluctantly. After he signed it, they left the restaurant, Castiel walking behind Dean with a proprietary hand on his back. The air felt cooler outside after being inside the crowded restaurant for so long.

“That was lovely.” Castiel commented as they stood together on the sidewalk.

“Yes. Thank you for dinner.” Dean agreed.

“My pleasure.” Castiel smiled. He didn’t want the evening to end yet, and thought it would be lovely to go have drinks somewhere. But he didn’t want to make the mistake of seeming too forward again, so instead he said, “I’m actually pretty tired, didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Ah. Ok.” Dean nodded. Was it Castiel’s imagination or did Dean seem a bit disappointed?

“I’ll see you tomorrow though – hey, actually what did you want to do tomorrow?” Castiel asked.

“Oh, it’s up to you. I mean, I live here, so I don’t care much, but maybe there’s something you want to see?” Dean suggested.

“Oh, you’d play tourist with me?” Castiel brightened. “I’d love to visit the art museum and the public gardens. Maybe take a swan boat ride.”

“No, I don’t mind. I don’t think I’ve done any of those things since high school.” Dean shrugged.

“Wonderful. Do you want to meet me at my hotel?” Castiel suggested.

“Sure.” Dean nodded.

“Great, outside at 10ish?” Castiel proposed.

“Okay.” Dean agreed. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, can’t wait.” Castiel grinned. “Hey, can I walk you home?”

“Um..okay.” Dean said uncertainly.

“Don’t worry, I won’t stay.” Castiel reassured him.

They crossed the street together, their arms brushing every now and then as they fell into step with each other. Castiel wanted to hold Dean’s hand, but Dean seemed guarded. As they walked, Dean pointed out different bars and restaurants, including a favorite brunch place that he hoped to take Castiel to sometime. Castiel was pleased that Dean spoke as if they were definitely going to be spending more time with each other. Things had gone much more smoothly this time around.

After fifteen minutes, they stopped before a four-story brick building.

“Here’s my stop.” Dean announced. He fumbled with his keys. “Um. Do you want to come up?”

Castiel blinked. He hadn’t been expecting that. As much as he wanted to take Dean up on his offer, he suspected Dean was only inviting him because it was what he thought Castiel expected.

“No, that’s ok.” Castiel declined. “Like I said, I’m pretty beat.”

“Ah, ok.” Dean acknowledged, and Castiel could hear the relief in his voice.

“So see you tomorrow.” Castiel said. He was facing Dean and he decided to take his chance, closing the distance between them with one step and putting his hands on Dean’s shoulders. Dean’s eyes widened and then Castiel kissed him.

It was a gentle and sweet kiss, and Castiel felt Dean relax under his touch. Dean’s lips were soft and yielding, but Castiel pulled away after a few seconds. He wanted to take it slow with Dean. He didn’t want Dean to be scared off. He stepped back and looked at Dean.

“Wow.” Dean murmured.

“Mmm.” Castiel agreed. “Good night, Dean.”

“Good night.” Dean replied.

Castiel smiled and started walking back towards the restaurant, leaving Dean stunned in front of his apartment.


	17. Dean

Dean couldn’t believe that Cas had kissed him. Not that it was completely unexpected, but still, the actual event caught him off guard. He felt like he was floating as he climbed the stairs to his apartment. It had been a magical night, as clichéd as that description sounded. Dinner had been delicious, and Cas had been sweet and considerate. Dean sighed with happiness. True, he had felt relief when Cas mentioned he was planning to turn in early, but he had also felt disappointment. Turning over the events of the evening though, there wasn’t anything he wanted to do differently.

He texted Charlie to let her know that things had gone well, and Charlie sent back a thumbs up. She was too busy to pry right now, being on the other side of the world on business again, but she told him she would expect a full report of the weekend later. He also texted Kevin, who replied with “awesome, man!” Dean got undressed and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he lay in bed, he played the evening over again in his mind with a smile on his face. He fell asleep thinking about the kiss that Cas had given him.

…

It was a hot day, and Dean decided to wear shorts. Cas wolf whistled when he saw Dean’s bare legs, causing the younger man to blush furiously. Cas was wearing jeans again, and a faded ‘Beatles’ t-shirt. Dean admired Cas’ arms, lingering on the thick veins that ran along his forearms. When Cas pulled Dean into a hug, Dean let himself wrap his arms around him and inhale deeply at the crook of Cas’s neck. Pine and soap.

They took the subway over to the Museum of Fine Arts. Cas lingered over the contemporary art, whereas Dean preferred ‘art he could understand’ and spent more time in the American painters and Impressionists sections. They both admired the collection of ancient Egyptian artifacts and mummies. They got a quick and overpriced meal at the museum café. Afterwards, they got back on the T and headed towards the common. Cas insisted on going on the swan boat, and Dean obliged. He enjoyed it more than he expected, mostly because of Cas’ presence and enthusiasm. When they found the bronze statues of the ducks from ‘Make Way for Ducklings’, Cas insisted that Dean take a picture of him sitting on Mrs. Mallard’s back. The walked over to Newbury Street for dinner, choosing to eat at an Indian restaurant. Dean found out that Cas liked his food extra spicy, even though it made him sweat profusely.

“Oh God, now I need a shower.” Cas laughed. “I can’t resist a spicy vindaloo though.”

After dinner they walked down to the ice cream place and bought cones. Cas surreptitiously put his hand in Dean’s and Dean let him. They walked down the street and window shopped and people watched.

“Do you want to come back to the hotel with me?” Cas asked when they reached the T station.

“I..” Dean started to reply.

“You don’t have to.” Cas interjected quickly. “Or, I mean, you don’t have to come up to the room. We could just walk around the waterfront again.”

“No, it’s ok.” Dean insisted. He saw Cas’ face fall, and added hastily. “I mean, yes I want to. It’s ok, I want to.” He repeated it, because he was more nervous and he needed to convince himself.

“If you’re sure.” Cas didn’t want Dean to feel pressured. “Otherwise we can just meet up again tomorrow.”

“I’m sure.” Dean confirmed, his voice steady. He was committed now. Despite his anxiety, he knew Cas wouldn’t hurt him. He was sure that Cas would stop if he told him to.

“We won’t do anything you don’t want to do.” Cas looked Dean in the eyes searchingly.

“I appreciate it.” Dean murmured, looking away. He started worrying that he would do things wrong; that his inexperience would be a turnoff to Cas.

They rode the T back to the waterfront area. They were both quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Dean let Cas hold his hand on the train though, their legs pressed up against each other’s in the seats. When they reached the hotel, Cas turned to Dean again.

“We really don’t have to go up to the room.” Cas reminded Dean.

“No, I want to.” Dean assured him.

They went into the elevator and again the silence settled over them. It was slightly awkward, but not completely uncomfortable. They were anxious to get to the room. Dean felt like he was moving in a dream when they got off the elevator and started down the hallway. Cas’ room was at the very end. Cas pulled his key card out and opened the door.

The room was cool and elegant. Cas opened the curtains so Dean could see the harbor view. Dean sat in one of the chairs next to the window.

“Wow. This is really nice.” Dean whistled. He also noted the king size bed and tried to avoid thinking about its implications. Dean turned back to look at Cas, who was sitting on the edge of the bed and removing his shoes. Dean decided if they were going to do anything, he wanted to be honest. He cleared his throat.

“Cas. If-um. If we’re going to- I mean, if anything happens. I just want you to know that I’m a- a virgin.” Dean blurted. He looked down at the carpet. When Cas didn’t respond right away, Dean wondered if he had screwed up again. But a moment later, Cas was kneeling in front of Dean, his hands on Dean’s knees, so Dean was forced to look at him.

“Nothing wrong with that at all.” Cas said softly. “I’m glad that you trusted me enough to tell me.” He looked at Dean with a serious expression.

“You don’t think I’m a freak?” Dean whispered.

“Never.” Cas professed fiercely. He rose up slightly to capture Dean’s lips in a kiss, again pulling away after a moment and kneeling again. He smiled tenderly at Dean. “And I mean what I’ve been saying, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Thank you, Cas.” Dean was grateful.

“It’s Castiel.” Cas coughed.

“Oh.” Dean said, realizing what Cas was telling him. Just as Dean had revealed a secret, so had Cas. “Castiel…” Dean murmured, trying out the name. “It’s beautiful.”

Castiel stood up and reached for Dean’s hand, and Dean let him take it. He pulled Dean out of the chair and into an embrace. Dean closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of Castiel’s body against his. They rocked slightly, as if they were slow dancing. Castiel pulled back slightly and put his hand on Dean’s cheek. He leaned in to kiss Dean again, but this time he didn’t break the kiss after a few seconds. Instead, he let his lips slide over Dean’s softly, pressing lightly. Dean melted in Castiel’s arms, and opened his mouth. Castiel tentatively let his tongue touch Dean’s lips and Dean darted his own out to meet it. Castiel pressed his tongue into Dean’s mouth, still gentle and slow, and Dean moaned. Castiel let his hands tug on Dean’s hair, and Dean whined and pulled Castiel closer. As they continued to kiss, Castiel backed them up to the bed, until his legs hit the edge. He sat down and then pulled Dean on top of him.

Dean straddled Castiel, whimpering as he started to rut against Castiel’s jeans. Castiel groaned and thrust upward against Dean. Castiel let Dean push him down so he was laying on the bed. Dean bent down to kiss Castiel hard, continuing to rub himself against Castiel.

“Jesus.” Castiel gasped when he broke the kiss. “Dean...”

“Castiel.” Dean replied, his gaze searing.

“I’ve always hated my name.” Castiel panted. “But it’s fucking sexy when you say it.”

“Castiel.” Dean repeated with a grin.

Castiel raised himself on his elbows and tugged at Dean’s waistband with one hand. Dean slid off of him and unbuttoned his shorts, sliding them off but leaving his boxers and shirt on. The tip of his cock was poking out from the top edge of his boxers. Castiel bit his lip.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Dean.” Castiel said thickly.

Dean blushed and ducked his head. Even now, when Castiel was staring at him with blatant lust, he still struggled with the compliment. Instead he reached for Castiel’s hands and pulled him back into a sitting position. He tugged Castiel’s shirt off of him, admiring the smooth and tanned expanse of skin. Castiel pulled Dean back on top of him and fell back on the bed again, crushing his lips against Dean’s. Dean gasped, and let his hands roam along Castiel’s shoulders and chest as they continued to kiss. Castiel reached his hand past the edge of Dean’s waistband, letting his fingers brush Dean’s cock. Dean moaned into Castiel’s mouth as Castiel gripped him.

“Oh, Dean.” Castiel groaned, breaking the kiss so he could look into Dean’s eyes. He slid his hand up and down Dean’s hard shaft. Dean panted as Castiel worked him, feeling like he could come with just a few more strokes. He squeezed his eyes shut and made an effort to stave off the orgasm. It had been years since anyone else had touched his cock, and the sensation was overwhelming. But he had never felt this way with any of the three other people he had made it this far with. It had been enjoyable, but nothing like the way he was feeling now; like his skin was on fire and he would die if Castiel stopped touching him. His world was narrowed to this bed; nothing else mattered right now.

“Cas…I don’t wanna come yet..” Dean gasped, looking at Castiel desperately.

“Mmm, I would love to watch you come, baby.” Castiel murmured, his eyes half lidded. But he withdrew his hand.

Dean whimpered at the loss, but was relieved that he hadn’t embarrassed himself and come too quickly. Castiel pressed at Dean’s shoulders and Dean rolled off of him so they lay side by side. Castiel put a hand on the back of Dean’s head and kissed him gently. Then Castiel got off the bed and teasingly unbuttoned his jeans, his eyes on Dean. Dean could see the outline of his hard cock against the denim, and a surge of desire rushed through him. He moaned when Castiel unzipped himself and revealed he hadn’t been wearing any underwear.

“Fuck.” Dean whispered, biting his lip. He watched as Castiel pushed his jeans down his legs and kicked them aside.

“Lie down on the bed.” Castiel growled.

Dean felt wanton as he moved up the bed, letting his head fall back on the pillows. His hard cock was pressing against his stomach, still half out of his boxers. He couldn’t help reaching down to tug at it. Castiel crawled up on the bed over Dean, leaning down to kiss him. He pressed soft kisses along Dean’s jaw, his hand reaching under Dean’s shirt and palming his stomach before moving up to stroke Dean’s nipples. Dean bucked his hips upward but Castiel held himself back, smiling against Dean’s neck. He licked and sucked Dean’s skin, while Dean writhed and moaned under him, still straining to rub himself against Castiel. Castiel kissed a path downward, rucking Dean’s shirt up so he could run his tongue over his nipples. Dean cried out and Castiel reached down to grasp Dean’s cock, continuing to suck his nipples as he stroked.

“Cas!” Dean gasped. “Please…”

Castiel kissed a line down from Dean’s chest to his stomach, making Dean giggle when his lips touched the skin near his bellybutton. Castiel moved even lower, and kissed the tip of Dean’s cock.

“Oh fuck.” Dean moaned. Castiel had started suckling at Dean’s cock, pulling it partway into his mouth. Dean bucked up involuntarily and made Castiel gag.

“Tsk, naughty boy.” Castiel chided, pulling away.

“I’m sorry…” Dean apologized. He was mortified.

Castiel shook his head, but a smile was playing on his lips so Dean knew he wasn’t really angry. He sat up and tugged at Dean’s boxers, and Dean lifted his hips to make it easier to drag them off.

“That’s better.” Castiel approved, his gaze roaming over Dean’s body. “Now take off the shirt too.”

Dean sat up and slipped his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. He felt more vulnerable now that he was naked. He realized that Castiel was the first person that had seen him completely naked. He suddenly felt shy about his body, and conscious of the freckles that dotted his skin. He wrapped his arms around himself and pulled up his knees.

“Hey.” Castiel gentled, noticing that Dean had suddenly tensed and curled in on himself. He touched Dean’s knee tentatively. “You ok? We can stop.”

“I want to.” Dean insisted. But the mood had shifted, and Dean felt like he had messed up again.   
  
“It’s really ok, Dean.” Castiel repeated. “Please, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s not anything you did.” Dean attempted to explain. He was close to tears all of a sudden and blinked quickly to force them back. “I just. It felt good. But I, this is farther than I’ve ever gone with anyone before.” He put his head down on his knees, hiding his face. He was embarrassed by his inexperience and how it made him freeze up.

“I told you there’s nothing wrong with that.” Castiel murmured. He moved up and sat next to Dean. “Do you want to put your clothes back on?”

Dean nodded. He felt like he had disappointed Castiel, yet again. He felt Castiel moving off the bed and a moment later, putting Dean’s clothes on the bed beside him.

“I need to use the bathroom.” Castiel mentioned, and left Dean on the bed.

Dean lifted his head when he heard the click of the bathroom door shutting. He grabbed his clothes and slipped them on quickly, moving back to the chair by the window. When Castiel came out of the bathroom, he was wearing a robe. He sat down on the chair across from Dean. He had a soft smile on his face for Dean, but Dean could see the sadness and concern in Castiel’s eyes.

“If you want to go home now, that’s totally fine.” Castiel soothed, touching Dean’s knee lightly.

“I..I think I should.” Dean agreed. He couldn’t quite look at Castiel.

“It’s really ok, Dean.” Castiel assured him.

“I’m sorry.” Dean apologized. He felt the tears prickling again. He swallowed hard.

“Please don’t be.” Castiel said. “I’m sorry if I pushed you.”

“You didn’t.” Dean shook his head.

Castiel moved his hand away. “If you want to go, it’s ok.” He offered gently.

Dean felt a lump in his throat. Part of him wanted to stay, but mostly he needed to go and clear his head. It wasn’t fair to Castiel to stay here when he was so confused. “I think I should probably go.” He whispered.

“Ok.” Castiel nodded.

Dean stood up. He felt so awkward. It was hard to believe that only a little while ago they had been touching each other intimately. Castiel looked at him and smiled sadly.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” Castiel asked softly. “I mean, just to have lunch or something. My flight isn’t until the evening.”

“Um..” Dean hedged, his eyes avoiding Castiel’s face.

“That’s ok.” Castiel backed off quickly. “If you change your mind, you have my number.”

“Yeah.” Dean took a deep breath. “Thanks for understanding.”

Castiel stood and walked with Dean to the door. He put a hand on Dean’s arm before he opened the door.

“Bye Dean. I had a really nice time.” Castiel spoke sincerely.

“Me too. Bye, Cas.” Dean managed. There was a lump in his throat.

Castiel closed the door behind Dean. Dean swiped at his eyes, the tears threatening to spill again. If everything was ok and Cas understood why he needed to leave, then why did he feel so heartbroken?


	18. Dean

It had been a month since Castiel’s visit. A month since they almost had sex, and since they had last spoken. Dean hadn’t called Castiel that night or the next day. He stared at his phone, hoping that Castiel would send him a message. He knew he should probably be the one to contact him, but he felt immobilized every time he stared at the cursor blinking on the new text. He couldn’t think of the right words, and as the days stretched and he didn’t hear from Castiel, he thought that maybe Castiel had given up on him. Charlie was kind when Dean confessed what had happened, and she assured him he had done nothing wrong. She was glad that Castiel had listened to him and been respectful. She suggested that Castiel was probably just as anxious to hear from Dean. When Kevin asked him about Castiel, Dean held back most of the details and only said it didn’t quite work out. Kevin didn’t pester him, and they continued to hang out occasionally and game together regularly. As the days passed and Dean continued to mope, Charlie encouraged him to contact Castiel. But Dean always balked.

And now he was starting to get used to idea that he had lost Castiel. Even though Charlie thought he should at least try contacting him, Dean didn’t want to deal with the possibility of rejection.

“But you’ve basically rejected him.” Charlie pointed out, when they were on the phone.

“No I haven’t.” Dean protested.

“Hey, he left it up to you, especially since you were the one who needed some space. So I’m pretty sure he was expecting you to contact him.” Charlie countered.

“I can’t, Charlie.” Dean mumbled.

“I just want you to be happy, Dean.” Charlie relented. “I can tell you wish things had gone differently. And I think Cas would love a chance to see you again.”

“I guess.” Dean was doubtful.

“I love you.” Charlie said brightly.

“I know.” Dean answered automatically. It had started as a joke, all those years ago; a reference to the infamous line from _The Empire Strikes Back_ , but now it was how they told each other they cared deeply for one another.

“Take care, Dean. I’ll talk to you again soon.” Charlie signed off.


	19. Castiel

Castiel stopped drawing Dean. After his visit to Boston and the way they parted company, it seemed inappropriate. It didn’t matter if he was still pining after Dean. It had been a whole month since he had heard from him, and he had given up on the possibility that he ever would. Still, he couldn’t help playing over scenes from that weekend, and how lovely things had been up to that point. Castiel wondered if he could have done anything different. Maybe he should have ended the evening after dinner. He should have been more patient, given Dean more time. He knew that Dean was inexperienced. Still, there was no denying there was an amazing connection between them.

Castiel had felt wretched when Dean didn’t call him on Sunday. He had gotten drunk after Dean left, and woken up with a horrible hangover. He ate breakfast in the room, and checked his phone obsessively. By the time he got on the plane, he was feeling dejected. He couldn’t distract himself by sketching on the plane like he usually did, and when he got back to his apartment, he went directly to bed. He called in sick the next day, feeling more depressed than he had in a long time. He couldn’t help checking his phone frequently again that day. He thought about texting Dean but he didn’t want to come across as too aggressive. That had already backfired once. But as the days passed and there was no word from Dean, Castiel stopped waiting for that text or call.

He was losing interest in his work, every time he had to draw Tharion, he thought of Dean. He wondered if maybe they could move him to another project, and he could hand it over to someone else. Or maybe Tharion could play a smaller role in the storyline. The writers for the comic could be prickly and defensive though, and were unlikely to take Castiel’s suggestion. So he continued to churn out the drawings, but his heart just wasn’t in it.

…

Castiel hadn’t signed on to go to the Rhode Island Comic Con in November, but now his boss was insisting he go. He thought that Castiel had drummed up a decent amount of interest and sales from the last couple of cons he had attended. So Castiel went to Providence, the town of his alma mater. He wondered if he would see Dean at the convention. He half hoped and half dreaded that he would. He didn’t think he could stand it if Dean didn’t want anything to do with him. At least his memories of Dean were pleasant even if he had been left hanging, literally and figuratively. So it was a relief and a disappointment when he went through the two days of the con without a single glimpse of Dean Winchester. He did see Balthazar, but he was uncharacteristically distant, much as he had been the morning after he helped Castiel back to his hotel room.

“Hello Cas.” Balthazar greeted when he came up to Castiel’s table.

“Balthazar.” Castiel warily acknowledged his ex.

“Where’s that pretty fan of yours?” Balthazar asked, making a show of looking around.

Castiel shrugged, bristling at Balthazar’s question.

“Ah.” Balthazar guessed. “Didn’t work out, did it?”

“It’s none of your business, Balthazar.” Castiel retorted.

“I’m just asking as a friend.” Balthazar protested, managing to sound hurt.

“There’s nothing to tell, anyways.” Castiel said curtly.

“Ok. But do you know why I didn’t ask you to come to bed with me that night, Cassie?” Balthazar spoke quietly. “Even though I knew you were a sure thing?”

Castiel glared at him. “I was never-“

“Listen.” Balthazar cut him off. “I didn’t ask because I could tell that you wished I was someone else. I knew we would probably both feel bad about it in the morning, as good as it could have been.”

Castiel gaped. He didn’t think Balthazar would ever turn down sex, especially if it was a one-time thing.

“I know, I’m getting sentimental in my old age.” Balthazar winked. “But I’m surprised that you didn’t try again with your green-eyed boy.”

“I did.” Castiel admitted. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

“Are you sure?” Balthazar persisted. “Because I can tell that you miss him. Or somebody at any rate.” A smirk played on Balthazar’s lips.

Castiel opened his mouth and closed it. He shouldn’t be surprised at Balthazar’s astuteness though; if there was one thing his ex was good at, it was reading people.

“I hope whoever he is, that he knows how you’re feeling. Maybe if he did, he’d realize what _he’s_ missing.” Balthazar looked at Castiel meaningfully. “It’s never too late.”

Balthazar reached for Castiel’s hand and squeezed it. “Take care, Cas. No matter what has happened between us in the past, I always wish you well.” He smiled and squeezed Castiel’s hand again and left.

“Thanks, Balthazar.” Castiel called after him, dumbfounded. That was probably the most thoughtful conversation he ever had with Balthazar. Even when they were dating, he had been a douchebag; self-centered and inappropriate. But maybe he was finally growing up.

…

Castiel was speeding. He was constantly checking his mirror to see if there were any cops, even though he was just keeping up with traffic at 80 mph. The Florida plates on his car ( _why did rentals always have out of state plates?_ ) made him worry he would be a target. According to the GPS he’d be arriving at Dean’s in 45 minutes. Actually he didn’t know Dean’s address so he just punched in the address of the tapas restaurant.

He had no idea if Dean would be home or not on a Sunday afternoon.

He wasn’t sure what possessed him to walk out of the convention and straight back to his hotel after Balthazar spoke to him. He felt a sense of urgency, a need to see if Dean would give him a third chance to make things work between them. The worst that could happen is that Dean rejected him, right? But maybe it was better to know, ‘better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all’?

Castiel found the apartment easily enough, walking down from Dali’s the same way they had that wonderful night. He hesitated on the front step for a moment, but then pressed the buzzer marked “Winchester”.

“Yes?” Dean’s voice crackled through the speaker.

“It’s Cas.” Castiel answered simply.

There was no reply for a beat, and then the door buzzed open for Castiel. He opened it eagerly, bounding up the stairs to Dean’s apartment. Dean was waiting in the doorway for him. Castiel stopped a few feet away from him. Dean looked tired, and his hair was sticking up in several directions. He hadn’t shaved for a little while and a layer of scruff covered his cheeks and chin. Castiel thought he had never looked more beautiful.

“Hi Dean.” Castiel managed, feeling shaky now he was here in front of Dean. What did he want to say? What could he say? At least Dean had been willing to let him in.

“Hi Cas.” Dean stared at Castiel with a shocked expression. “What…What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see you.” Castiel stated. He took a breath before continuing. “I’m here to see you and to ask you for a second chance. A third chance actually.” _Third time’s the charm, isn’t it?_ Castiel thought, and then wondered why so many clichéd sayings were coming to mind right now. At least he hadn’t spoken the words out loud.

Dean didn’t answer for a moment. He looked down and spoke to the carpet instead of Castiel. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Castiel couldn’t tell by Dean’s tone if he was upset or not. He waited for Dean to elaborate, but when he didn’t, Castiel started wondering if he shouldn’t have come.

“I’m sorry, I should go.” Castiel apologized.

“No! Don’t…” Dean cried. He looked up and Castiel was startled to see tears.

“Dean…” Castiel said softly, and closed the small distance between them in two steps. He cupped Dean’s face in his hands, thumbing away the tears. “Please don’t cry.”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t call.” Dean sobbed, looking downward again, the tears still coming. “I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I was so worried you wouldn’t want me anymore, after what happened.”

“I will always want you.” Castiel told him, tilting Dean’s chin up so he could see his face. “I thought you didn’t want me. I thought I had pressured you too much and scared you off.” Castiel whispered.

“You thought I didn’t want you?” Dean was incredulous. He gave Castiel a watery smile. “I can’t believe it.”

“We’re both fools.” Castiel gave Dean a wry smile. Suddenly he was so thankful for Balthazar and his words.

Dean laughed, tears still in his eyes, and Castiel couldn’t help joining in. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel, hugging him tight. “I’m so glad you came.” Dean murmured. He pulled back and looked at Castiel.

“Me too.” Castiel agreed fervently.

And then Dean surprised him by leaning in and kissing him first. Castiel closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of Dean’s soft lips against his, tasting the salt of the tears that had run down his cheeks. Without breaking the kiss, Dean pulled on Castiel’s arms and backed them into the apartment. Once the door was closed, he pressed Castiel against the back of it, intensifying the kiss and slipping his tongue between Castiel’s lips. Castiel made a muffled noise of surprise, then let himself melt in Dean’s arms, pushing his own tongue into Dean’s mouth. His hands roamed along Dean’s back, and he savored the warmth and solidity of Dean’s body.

Finally, Dean broke away.

“Bedroom.” He gasped. He grabbed Castiel’s hand and pulled him toward the back of the apartment. He pulled his shirt and shorts off, and then tugged his boxers off before Castiel could even react. He laid back on the bed, naked. Castiel drank in the sight of Dean splayed out on the bed.

“Are you sure?” Castiel asked.

“I want to pick up where we left off.” Dean insisted. He smiled at Castiel. “I seem to remember that you were naked as well.”

Castiel didn’t have to be told twice. He quickly removed his clothing and got on the bed with Dean. They lay side by side, their noses almost touching as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

“I want to take this slow.” Castiel said softly.

Castiel put his hand on Dean’s cheek, letting his palm rasp against his scruff. Dean closed his eyes and nodded. Castiel kissed him leisurely while he ran his hands along Dean’s arms. Dean let his hands ghost along Castiel’s sides and along his hipbones. When Dean grasped his cock, Castiel gasped in surprise. He moaned as Dean moved his hand along his shaft, his thumb sliding across the head of Castiel’s cock. Dean deepened the kiss, letting Castiel feel his teeth against his lips, as he continued to stroke Castiel.

“Oh Dean…” Castiel groaned into Dean’s mouth. He reached for Dean’s cock and started tugging on it, matching Dean’s movements on his own cock. Dean’s hand paused as Castiel stroked him. He whimpered when Castiel let his mouth slip down to Dean’s jaw, and cried out when Castiel started sucking his neck.

“Cas.” Dean moaned.

Dean’s hand stuttered on Castiel’s cock and soon stopped as Castiel continued to work him. Castiel didn’t mind. He loved how Dean looked as he touched him, the way his mouth hung open and his eyes looked so wide and desperate. Castiel moved his mouth lower and kissed Dean’s shoulder and then chest, letting his lips brush Dean’s nipples. He was still grasping Dean’s cock while he kissed his way downward.

“Fuck!” Dean cried when Castiel took him in his mouth. He keened when he felt Castiel’s tongue swirling along the underside of his shaft. “Oh my fuck…” Dean gasped.

Castiel moaned around Dean’s cock, letting himself slowly take Dean in further and further as he bobbed his head up and down. He knew Dean was trying to resist thrusting into his mouth. Castiel let his throat relax as he let Dean’s cock slide deeper. He moaned again when he tasted the salty droplets of precum that leaked onto his tongue. Dean swore when his cock slipped into the tight space of Castiel’s throat. When Castiel took Dean as far as he could, he started moving his mouth up and down faster. Dean started fucking into his throat and Castiel loved it. He let himself look up at Dean, at Dean’s wrecked expression.

“Jesus!” Dean gasped, pulling at Castiel’s head and pushing it downward. Castiel’s own cock was hard and aching. He loved having his hair pulled and his head forced down. His jaw was starting to ache now and his lips were sloppy with saliva. His eyes were watery and his throat raw. He held on though, knowing that Dean was close. A moment later he felt Dean tense and his cock harden just a fraction more; he could feel Dean trying to hold back.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Dean swore, thrusting and shooting his hot cum down Castiel’s throat. Castiel moaned and let Dean hold his head as he bucked through his orgasm. He swallowed readily, waiting until Dean’s movements slowed and stilled before he pulled off carefully, gagging slightly when Dean’s cock slipped out of his throat. He crawled up and lay beside Dean who looked completely spent.

“Damn.” Dean breathed. He looked at Castiel. “Are you ok, Cas?” His expression of concern was endearing. Castiel knew he looked like a mess, his face flushed, his lips swollen and red, his eyes wet and wide.

“I’m fine, Dean.” Castiel smiled. “You’re so sweet to ask.” He kissed Dean so he could taste himself on Castiel’s tongue.

“Can I..?” Dean gestured toward Castiel’s cock.

“I had something else in mind, if you are ok with it.” Castiel proposed.

“Anything.” Dean felt magnanimous, basking in the afterglow of his orgasm.

Castiel brought his lips close to Dean’s ear. “I want to fuck you.” He whispered.

Dean whimpered and bit his lip. Castiel looked at him. “It’s ok if you’re not ready.” Castiel reassured him, even though he wanted more than anything to be inside of Dean.

“I want you to…” Dean whined. “Please.”

“Are you sure?” Castiel asked.

“Fuck me.” Dean demanded fiercely.

Castiel kissed Dean hard and pulled Dean’s body flush against his so that his cock pressed against Dean’s thigh. Castiel rutted against Dean’s leg and groaned.

“Dean...” Castiel gasped. “Do you have any lube?” It wasn’t the most romantic thing to say, but they definitely needed some.

“Oh! Yeah…” Dean nodded to the nightstand beside the bed. “Check the drawer.”

Castiel rolled over and reached into the drawer, successfully finding a large bottle, which appeared to be half empty. He smirked to himself. He uncapped the bottle and poured a generous amount into one hand. He set the bottle on the nightstand and rolled back to Dean. Making sure that Dean was watching, he slicked up his fingers. Dean whimpered as he watched Castiel.

“Gotta get you ready.” Castiel said thickly.

Castiel’s head was clouded with lust but he was still mindful to check if Dean was comfortable. Dean nodded at Castiel to let him know it was okay. Castiel shifted so he was slightly lower on the bed and then reached one hand between Dean’s legs, letting one lubricated finger brush the outside of Dean’s opening. He could feel the tenseness in Dean’s body, how his legs clamped down on Castiel’s arm and his buttocks were taut.

“Shhhh.” Castiel soothed. “Relax, baby.” He used his other hand to reach up and stroke Dean’s cheek. “You ok?”

Dean took a deep breath and nodded. “Just um..I’ve never had anything in…inside before.”

“Not even your own fingers?” Castiel wondered.

“No…” Dean blushed.

“I’ll take it slow. Tell me if you need me to stop at any point.” Castiel reassured him. Meanwhile his cock twitched and throbbed at the thought that he would be the first to explore Dean’s virgin asshole.

Castiel let his finger gently stroke around Dean’s opening. When he felt Dean relaxing slightly, he let his fingertip just graze Dean’s hole, barely slipping inside. Dean didn’t protest, so Castiel continued, moving at an excruciatingly slow pace. He pressed in further, and Dean sucked in a breath, which he let out when Castiel moved his finger away. Again, Castiel looked up at Dean to confirm he was ok, and again Dean nodded. Castiel tried pressing his finger inside again and this time Dean didn’t tense up. He continued to tease at Dean’s hole, circling his finger and then pressing inside, pushing a little deeper every time. Dean moaned when Castiel got up to his second knuckle.

“You’re so tight, Dean.” Castiel groaned, feeling Dean’s muscles clamping down hard on his finger. “Does it feel good?”

Dean nodded uncertainly.

“It’s ok if it feels weird.” Castiel soothed. “I certainly thought it felt weird my first time.”

Castiel continued to move slowly, pushing his finger in a little more every time he moved it back and forth. Finally he was inside up to his last knuckle. He thrust his finger in and out, increasing the pace gradually. When Castiel curled his finger upward, Dean suddenly jerked and cried out.

“Oh!” Dean exclaimed in surprise.

Castiel grinned. “I found your prostate.”

Castiel continued to let his finger graze Dean’s prostate, then asked him if he could add another finger. Dean nodded, and Castiel again moved very slowly, stretching Dean bit by bit. Dean’s eyes rolled back and he gasped with pleasure when Castiel pressed against his prostate again. Castiel added his third and fourth finger just as slowly, relishing the tightness of Dean’s hole and how hard his muscles clamped down on his hand.

“You ready for my cock?” Castiel asked.

Dean nodded vigorously. When Castiel slid his hand out, Dean cried out at the loss. Castiel rolled away and grabbed the lube again, this time slicking up his neglected cock.

“Can’t wait to be inside you, baby.” Castiel panted. He sat up and tugged at his cock as he let his gaze roam over Dean’s body. Dean whimpered and squirmed under Castiel’s scrutiny.

Castiel grabbed a couple of the pillows and put them under Dean’s hips, pushing Dean’s thighs so they fell open. He moaned at the sight of Dean’s puckered opening. He kneeled between Dean’s legs and put one hand on Dean’s thigh, and the other on his cock.

“Ready?” Castiel gasped.

“Yes. Please.” Dean whined. “Fuck me.”

Castiel groaned and let the tip of his cock brush against Dean’s hole. Dean whimpered as Castiel looked him in the eyes while he slowly pushed inside. He sucked in a sharp breath as Castiel’s cock spread him wider than his fingers already had. Castiel moaned at the hot pressure surrounding him, and continued to push forward. The head of his cock slipped past the rim and they both groaned. Castiel kept moving deeper until he bottomed out. He looked at Dean tenderly as he carefully held still while his cock was fully seated inside of Dean. The look of trust that Dean gave him made Castiel’s heart swell. It really was okay. They both wanted this.

“I’m gonna fuck you nice and slow, unless you tell me otherwise.” Castiel murmured. He put both hands on Dean’s thighs. He slid himself out slightly and then pushed back in, thrusting slow and shallow, building up to deeper thrusts little by little. He tilted his hips slightly to change the angle of his thrusts and suddenly Dean was crying out with pleasure.

“Found your prostate again.” Castiel grinned. He continued to thrust slowly but Dean was pushing back now, his hole clenching around Castiel’s cock.

“Fuck me hard. Faster.” Dean begged.

Castiel started thrusting faster and deeper, relishing the sounds of pleasure that came out of Dean’s mouth. He loved the sound of his balls smacking against Dean’s ass, the sloppy wet sounds of his cock plunging in and out of Dean’s hole. Soon he was nearing his orgasm, and he dug his fingers into Dean’s thighs. Dean was panting and writhing under Castiel, his eyes widening as Castiel continued ramming against his prostate.

“Jesus. I think I’m gonna come again…” Dean gasped with surprise. “Oh! Fuck!” Dean bucked under Castiel, his muscles clamping down and fluttering around Castiel’s cock. The sensation of being inside Dean while he orgasmed was enough to send Castiel over.

“Dean! Oh my God! Dean!” Castiel shouted. He collapsed forward onto Dean even as he continued to thrust, burying his cock deep and filling Dean’s ass with his cum.

“Cas!” Dean moaned, still twitching under Castiel’s body.

They rode the rest of their orgasms together, Castiel threading his fingers through Dean’s and squeezing hard. Finally when they stilled, Castiel rolled off of Dean, the sensation of loss when their bodies separated making them both gasp. Castiel smiled contentedly at Dean. Dean smiled back sleepily.

“I hope that was ok.” Castiel said cheekily.

“Um. Yeah.” Dean smirked.

They lay there, lazily gazing at each other, their faces only inches apart. Castiel kissed Dean and pulled him close. A moment later, Dean’s breathing deepened. He had fallen asleep in Castiel’s arms.

Castiel had never been happier.


	20. Dean

Castiel was supposed to leave from Providence that night, but he rescheduled his flight for Tuesday evening. He called in sick the next couple of days and encouraged Dean to do the same. For two blissful days, they spent every moment together. Eventually they both had to return to the real world, but even work didn’t dampen Dean’s spirits. He moved around dreamily, a smile on his face. Castiel phoned and texted regularly, and occasionally they skyped. They both couldn’t wait for the next time they could see each other, but Dean was reluctant to take the plane, so Castiel promised he would try to make it back to Boston within the month. It seemed like forever to Dean. Their regular texting often degenerated into sexting, and Dean didn’t even tell Charlie what kind of skype sessions he was having with Castiel.

…

A couple of weeks passed and Castiel still hadn’t committed to a date for his visit. Dean was starting to worry that things were not going as well as he thought they were. He called Charlie, hoping it wasn’t too early in Australia.

“What’s going on Dean?” Charlie’s voice chirped through the phone. She called him back per usual so he wouldn’t have to pay for the long distance charges.

“I dunno.” Dean said uncertainly. “I don’t know how Cas feels about me.”

“What do you mean? Just a week ago you were going on and on about how perfect he was, and how awesome the sex was and how much you were looking forward to seeing him again.” Charlie queried.

“Yeah, that’s the problem. I don’t know when I’m going to see him again.” Dean explained.

“Oh, he hasn’t bought a plane ticket?” Charlie guessed.

“No.” Dean replied.

“Maybe it’s too expensive.” Charlie suggested. “Or maybe he can’t get the time off work.”

“No, he’s pretty well off. And his work is flexible.” Dean rejected Charlie’s excuses for Castiel.

“Okay.” Charlie conceded. “So what do you think is going on?”

“I’m not sure.” Dean said sadly. “He promised he’d try to come see me within a month, but in another week it’ll be past a month, and he hasn’t made any plans to come out to Boston again.”

“Have you asked him?” Charlie pressed.

“No…” Dean replied reluctantly.

Charlie sighed, and Dean didn’t need to see her to know she was rolling her eyes. “Does this seem familiar?”

“Charlie…” Dean protested.

“Remember oh, like a few months ago, when you thought Mr. Novak had no interest in you? And then it turned out that he thought you had no interest in him? All because neither of you had to balls to call the other first!” Charlie said scathingly.

“This is different.” Dean replied weakly.

“No, it sounds like a communication problem.” Charlie stated bluntly. “So talk to him.”

“It’s not that easy-“ Dean started to say.

“Yes it is.” Charlie interrupted. “Now don’t call me until you talk to Cas. I mean it.”

“You can be a pain in the ass sometimes.” Dean grumbled.

“You love me.” Charlie replied.

They hung up and Dean sighed. Castiel would be getting off of work soon, and they usually spoke to each other in the evenings. He really should call.

…

Dean waited until it was eight fifteen (which was seven fifteen in Castiel’s time zone), knowing that Castiel would be home by now. He felt anxious as he listened to the ring; it was a couple hours earlier than he usually called Castiel. Finally on the fourth ring, Castiel picked up.

“Hello?” Castiel answered. He sounded tired to Dean.

“Hey Cas.” Dean replied.

“Everything okay?” Castiel asked. “It’s earlier than you usually call.”

“Yeah, everything’s okay.” Dean said. There was a beat of silence.

“You sure?” Castiel prompted.

“Yeah.” Dean confirmed. Another beat of silence, and then Dean spoke in a rush. “I just wanted to know if you were coming to visit soon because I miss you and it’s been almost a month.”

Castiel paused. “Oh, yeah. I should do that.” Castiel responded shortly.

“Do you want to?” Dean wondered. They both knew he wasn’t just asking about the visit.

“I do.” Castiel assured him, but to Dean it didn’t sound like he wanted to come at all.

“Okay.” Dean felt deflated. He had been hoping for a more enthusiastic response. “So when are you coming?” He pressed.

“I’m not sure.” Castiel sighed. “I’ll let you know. Maybe I’ll check out ticket prices tonight and text you about it?”

“Sounds good.” Dean replied uncertainly.

“I’ll talk to you later, Dean.” Castiel dismissed him. “I need to make dinner.”

“Okay.” Dean managed. “I’ll talk to you later.”

He ended the call. He felt like Castiel had been unhappy to hear from him. Maybe he shouldn’t have pressed Castiel. Obviously he would have already booked the ticket if he wanted to see Dean. Still, Dean waited hopefully for Castiel to call back and tell him that he would be seeing him soon.

…

Dean felt hollow when he didn’t hear from Castiel later that evening. He texted Charlie, letting her know that he had tried talking to Castiel, and it had failed. He worried that he had made things worse. Charlie texted back that she was sure it was all in his head, and she would talk to him tomorrow. Dean tried to sleep but he couldn’t stop wondering how he could fix things between him and Castiel. But without knowing what was broken, where would he begin?


	21. Castiel

Long distance was hard. Castiel wished that Dean would try harder to overcome his fear of flying; Castiel had even offered to take the plane there and fly with Dean back to Chicago. As it was, they still hadn’t set a date for their next visit with each other. They constantly talked about it, and Castiel promised to try to come back to Boston in a few weeks, but so far he was hesitant to make plans. When he was talking to Dean, all seemed right in the world. But as soon as they ended their calls or skype sessions, Castiel couldn’t help the doubts that sprung up in his mind. He worried about an unequal relationship, even though overall Dean was fairly mature. He worried that he might care more for Dean than Dean cared for him. He didn’t dare utter the word love. The last time he had spoken those three words had been to Balthazar.

Lately his sleep had been getting worse and worse, and last night he wasn’t sure if he slept more than a couple of hours. He knew it was due to the uncertainty between him and Dean, but again, neither of them broached the subject directly. He wished Dean would just call him out on the fact that he hadn’t booked a plane ticket yet; by next week it would have been a month since they last saw each other. Maybe it wasn’t worth it. But then Castiel would remember the few days they had spent together, and he realized he couldn’t give up that easily.

Work was ok for the most part. Tharion started resembling Dean again, but not to the point where his editors called him out on it. Castiel felt restless though. He wondered if it was time to move on to another company. Maybe there was somewhere closer to Boston? But he panicked when his thoughts moved in that direction. Again he worried he was in too deep, that maybe the relationship worked because they didn’t see each other constantly. Castiel clung to the memories of his last visit (which he still referred to as ‘the third chance’ privately), but they were hardly a measure of how their relationship would fare if they saw each other more regularly. He worried that Dean was merely infatuated because he admired Castiel’s artwork.

Castiel tried to stop these thoughts, but they often came to him, especially when he was plagued by insomnia at night, and he missed Dean. Nothing changed in the day to day; they still talked and texted regularly, occasionally skyped. Castiel felt like they were stuck in the same impasse that occurred the second time they tried to be together, when neither of them was willing to risk contacting the other, for fear of rejection. Castiel tried to just enjoy the relationship, but at his age, it was harder to live in the moment without a thought for the future. And he started wondering if that meant he should be dating someone closer to his age.

When Dean finally pressed him about visiting, Castiel deflected and promised he would look at tickets soon. He never followed up though, and Dean didn’t bring it up again the next time they talked.

Castiel felt the same inertia setting in again that prevented them from connecting the first couple of times. He felt that he had already made so much effort with Dean – flying in to visit, driving up from Providence on a whim, that now it was Dean’s turn. Part of him knew he was being stubborn and that Dean’s issues with flying were real, and Castiel shouldn’t take them personally. But maybe they were just the type of couple that couldn’t handle a long-distance relationship. Maybe they weren’t meant to be.


	22. Dean

It was early when the train pulled into the station. Dean’s back hurt from his attempts to sleep during the journey. The train was Charlie’s idea; an alternative that was much more appealing to Dean than the plane. It was a much longer trip, but there was an overnight sleeper train. At the time the idea seemed perfect. The reality was spending 19 hours on a train and trying to sleep was much harder than you would think. He was happy when he finally disembarked.

Dean had never been to Chicago, but his purpose wasn’t to sightsee. He only wanted Cas. Charlie had been so sure that this was what Dean needed to do. Talking on the phone or even video chat was one thing, but unless they talked in person, it was unlikely they would be able to figure things out. The month came and went, and their calls became less frequent; neither of them mentioned Castiel’s visit anymore. Dean felt dejected but neither he nor Castiel made any moves to break it off. So now Dean was here, to give their relationship one final shot. He had Castiel’s address memorized, and he told the cabbie the number and street after sliding into the backseat with his single bag.

He barely saw the streets passing by. Luckily it was still early and there wasn’t too much traffic. It was a gray and rainy day; a reflection of Dean’s current mood. About twenty minutes later, they pulled up to a tall brick building. Dean paid the driver and stepped out onto the wet pavement. It was cold and Dean’s breath puffed in the damp air. He found Castiel’s buzzer, and wondered if it was too early to bother him. But it was already 7:30, he must be getting ready for work by now. Dean pressed the buzzer once. There was no response. He tried again, holding it down longer. A third time, and finally Castiel’s irritated voice came out of the intercom.

“It’s fucking early, what do you want?” Castiel growled.

“It’s Dean.” He said simply.

“What?” Castiel exclaimed, his tone changing to bewilderment. “What are you…oh hell, come in.”

The door buzzed open for Dean and he entered the warm foyer eagerly. He walked up the steps until he reached the fifth floor, and then knocked on Castiel’s door, dropping the bag by his feet. A moment later, Castiel opened the door. It was obvious he had been asleep when Dean rang the buzzer. He was in boxers and a worn T-shirt, his hair sticking in all directions, still blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

“Dean?” Castiel asked. “How’d you get here?” He seemed more resigned than anything else.

“Train.” Dean answered. He plunged ahead with what he planned to say. “I had to come see you.”

“Ok. I’m glad you’re here but I have to go to work.” Castiel look at him warily, unmoved by Dean’s actions.

Dean felt discouraged. He had been expecting more of a welcome. But this was it; if Dean couldn’t convince Castiel that they were meant to be together this time, then he would say goodbye and good luck. The idea made his heart hurt, but it couldn’t be more painful than this slow death of their relationship.

”I came here because,” Dean swallowed before continuing, “Because I think, I know- I love you.”

Castiel’s eyes widened. “Dean?” He gasped, his expression changing in an instant to one of hope.

“Yes.” Dean said, his eyes filling when he saw the look on Castiel’s face. “I love you, Cas.”

“I love you, Dean.” Castiel said, his voice cracking. He grabbed Dean and held him tight, snuffling against Dean’s coat. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I’m here.” Dean reassured him.

“You took the train for me.” Castiel mused with wonderment. “That’s a long fucking ride.”

“It was fucking long.” Dean agreed, and they both laughed. “But it was worth it.” He added.

“Definitely worth it.” Castiel hugged Dean tight again.

They kissed softly and then Castiel released Dean. “Guess I’m calling in sick today.” He teased.

Castiel looked down at the bag Dean had brought with him. He picked it up. “You didn’t happen to bring your Tharion costume, did you?” He asked playfully.

“Cas!” Dean protested indignantly, but he laughed and tried to grab at Castiel.

Castiel dodged Dean’s hands easily and darted just out of reach. “Catch me if you can.” He taunted.

Dean grinned and chased Castiel into the apartment. When he pinned Castiel against the wall and kissed him, Castiel surrendered. Afterwards, they would have to talk about their future together.

For now, it was enough to have another chance. 


End file.
